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HoUinger Corp. 
pH8.5 



■Z.4 B<^63 



ARTHUR OLEARY. 



A COMEDY, 



IN FOUR ACTS 



MAJOR SHERIDAN BURT. 



\ 



OMAHA BARRACKS, NEBRASKA: 

1878. 



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^c^l.^ 



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4,\ 



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\ 



V^p92- 



ARTHUR O'LEARY. 

ACT I. 

SCENE. — Parlor in Mr. Dalton''s house; early evening with 
li//hts. Sat in 3 grooves. Discover Ah Lang arranging 
furnit/ure, bnals on. table. 
Enter c. 7nan serr(nit wIlli ti'lc/jraui ; steps he.avihj. Arlang meets 
servant c. up stage, takes telegram. JExit c. servant. 

Ah TvANG, (Observes servant loell off, comes down c.) Melicati 
Ilish ullee Siiine likeernule. He walkee clamp! clamp! me 
hatee Melicaii Illsh — hair on him teeth. Mastel Dalton he 
sickee. Clamp! clamp! ]Makee more sickee ! Why sickee 
hell! Me sabe. Mastel Dalton he bankee man, Melicau 
bankee man some plenty men givee him money — he walkee — 
no slepee — drinkee whic, allee time — he bust — k-lah I Maybe 
me no sabe allee same — hep! (winks both eijes rapidly.) 
Enter Dalton c. f. crosses to table r. c. 

Dalton. Business of putting hat on table and taking off qloces. 
Ah Lang! 

Ah Lang R. c. doion, is trying to see inside telegram, when 
called, faces Dtlton and hides telegram behind him. 

Dalton. (Angrily.) Arlang, do you hear me ! 

Ah Lang. Me lieal, aie no Melican Joss; him allee same 
woodeeman. 

Dalton. Answer then, if you a'lnt a wooden man. 

Ah Lang. Me anscl when me sabe what ansel. Melican 
Ilish man, he ansel when no sabe. Ciiinee man John he 
say sabe, he sabe; no sabe no sa^^ 

Dalton. Oil ! hang your sabe ! Have you got a telegram 
for me ? 

Ah Lang. Teleglam? me no sabe allee same teleglam. 

Dalton, (impatiently.) Wire on poles; click, click, click, 
(as if writing with telegraph key.) Yellow envelope — boy runs 
quick— rings bill. 

Ah Lang. Little, some smallee bloy ling bell allee same 
like debbel [oi- heilee ?] (laughs.) Ess ! Ess ! Me sabe— k-lah ! 

Dalton. Well! where is it? 

Ah I>ang. Tomollow little smallee bloy ling bell may be 
some time quick — damn. 

Dalton. You Mongolian jackass ! Yon animated leather 
hagl (bell rings.) There! See if it aint a messenger. 

Ah Lang at entrance c. f. business (f turning, shakes telegram at 
Dalton. 

Ah Lang, (aside.) Me jacksass — heh ? You ol buste 
bankee man soniiee sea cookee loast bleef — k-hili. [Exit c. f. 

Dalton. (hand supporting head.) No wor.N — not a, sign of 
help, (rises — taki's shigc down.) Coiisolid.it;''! .M.ck< idosed 
to-day weak at \S7 and'l in at 200. Loss atMT hiss! !;' they 
don't wire me to-night trom New York I laii to-nioi row — a 
ruined man! A pariah where I've been King! Called a 
thief where I've been honored for my integrity ! An outcast 



flying before a liowlinf? mob with the groans of ruined wid- 
ows anil orphans ringing in my ears — ^^hiinted and liannted! 
(drops hi chair at, tahlti.) It was' very iiard to bear when I iiad 
to drive my dishonored wife from my door— the mother of 
my chihl, a recreant in sliame; and now, fortune and friends 
lost forever — gone! all gone! [overcome.) 

Enter c. f.. Ah Laav.g, Mrs. Dalton veiled. 

Mus. D. {cominr) down L.) Mr. Dalton. {subdued tone.) 

Daltox. (startled.) VViiO's that? 

Mrs. D. Mr. Dalton . 

Dalton. (rising suiienl'i faces Mrs. D. ivilh right hand snp- 
porting himself on table.) Wiio are you V (he Jtas an indistinct 
recognition of her voice.) 

Mrs. D. a poor widow unknown to you. I am poor — 
very poor — I have come to ask assistance. I don't want mon- 
ey, but work. 

Dalton. Hah. (the memorg has ixi.ssed., and with this sigh 
sits.) 

Mrs. D. Mr. Dalton I :un in distniss— I— I— (aJecferZ— I 
want food. 

Dalton. (going up.) My good woman I am sorry for yon. 
AhLangthere will see that yon have something to eatand for 
the rest come to-morrow. (soUlnqne.) To-morrow? To- 
morrow may be (or others — not for me. But no! Courage! It 
shall ncvcu- be said that Howard Dalton gave up while there 
was still a plank to cling to. Exit c. 

Mrs. D. (raising her vail goes hurriedly to door, stretch- 
ing out arms appealinglg.) Oh! husband! husband! Howard! 
husband! dear husband! (sinks into chair left — sobbing.) 

Ah Lang''s business from last entrance to cue, ^'■husband''^ ; 
standing motionless at ii. c. back — at cue gradualhj becomes affected 
— finally takes from pocket a book like cigarette papers — taking one 
piece at a time, uses them as handkerchief. 

Ah Lang. Why me ciy? Me no sabe. Melican woman he 
cly, Chineman John cly ; Chinee woman he cly me kick 'em 
— hep. 

Mrs. D. observing Ah Lang rises goes down L. 

Mrs. D, (aside.) Ah Lang was always faithful to me in the 
old days — I must see Alice and alone! I must see her — I 
must press my child to this aching heart once more! (com- 
posing herself.) Ah Lang! 

Ah Lang tur)is to her comes down winking eyes very rapidly, 

AhL ang don't you know your old mistress? 

Ah Lang. (gr((duully overcome with surprise — then frightened) 
Oil melican man's Joss! Oh Chinee man Joss! (falls on 
knees.) Oh Missee Dalton why you no sleepee in glound al- 
lee same like dead melican man ? 

Mrs. D. Dead? What do you mean ? 

Ah Lang. You dead tlow, two, six years — long time dead 
Mastel Dalton he sabe so ! 

Mrs. D. Get up Ah Lang, I'm no ghost. 

Ah Lang, (jv'scs.) Xo dead ! You eatee — you legs walkee 
allee same? 

Mrs. D. (holding out hand.) Take my hand Ah Lang; that's 
good flesh and blood ; though it's not so fair as it used to be. 



Ah Lang, (slowly and timidltj touches her hand.) Lettee me 
see him (ootee. 

J/)\s. D. puts out her foot. He looks at it attentively. 

Allee same you footee like Cliiiieeman's footee — ess — ess. 
Oh niessee Dalton me i«o ghid ! me so glail. Allee same me 
hab pound opium — me hab ( 'iiiiieeman's sou]) — me play llow- 
leveii-flowty-flow, and win heei) big lots times !__ {dances.) 

Mrs D. Then you are tlie same kind, laith'ful All Lang 
you used to beV 

Ah Lang, {feels his arms and leys and pulls his nose.) Ess, 
me alle same Ah Tiang. 

Mrs. D. Tell me about Alice. 

Ah Laxg. She rell self, {starts r.) 

Mas. D. {stoj.jiiny hihi.) ISo ! J^o ! Not yet. 

Ah Lang. Me tell Mistel Dalton. {starts l.) 

Mrs. D. (stops him.) No! You must hear mo first. 

Ah Lang, (amazed.) Me no sabe. You go way — you dead 
tlow years — you comee baek — me no tell — k-lah ! 

Mrs. D. Ah Lang 1 can'texphiin it all to you, but Mr. Dal- 
ton knows I am not dead — 1 went away because — because — 

Ah Lang. Because lie waiitee some more wife — hep! 

Mrs. D. No not that but 

Dalton. (outside.) 1 can't attend to yon now. 

Mrs. D. (hur.iedly.) Silence! Not a woi-d I You must 
conceal me somewhere in this house — I want to see Alice to- 
night, and alone ! (drops her veil.) 

Enter c, Dalton to l. c, folhnoed by Mrs. WLeary. Mrs. D. 
aiid AhL any i,. and r. 

Mrs. O'L. Not attend to me? But you shall! This is a 
free country and free speech is one of my principles. 

Mr. D. That don't appear to be tlie only freedom you be- 
lieve in. 

jMrs. O'L. Excuse me sir, you're mistaken. I'm a Boston 
woman and our beloved coiiinionwcaltli 

Mr. Dalton. Oh damn your commouwelth. (exit L.) 

Mrs. O'L. (pauses.) He evidently believes in free speech, 
any how. I'd like to be your wife though for just two short 
days. 

Mrs. D. goiny up. 

Mrs. O'L. {tu Mrs. D.) One iuoukiu if you please. I 
perceive you are in mourning — \\v nr<' possibly fellow suffer- 
ers. I am seeking my rights 

AhLang. You sabbcc lights! You no sabbei' hotel — you 
no sabbee cheap boanling house allee same ! k-lah ! 

Mrs. O'L. Peace thou hcalheii from the setting sun ! 

Ah Lang. IMe no peace — me callee policeman — ki-yah. 

Mrs. O'L. You will call the i)olire, will you V Do so and 
and before lie enters tb.is domiciliary abode I'll wear my um- 
brella out on you ! (aduavr< s imnirds Ah Lang threatening with 
umbrella. — Ah' Lang dodges, lal is nfnye behind Mrs. D.) 

Mrs. D. (with dignity.) ^ladame 1 have not the pleasure 
of your acquaintaiRC 

Mrs. O'L. Well my name is O'Leary, Mrs. O'Leary, pray 
what may yours beV 

Mrs. D. That isof noimportancejust now; but itis agreat 



([Vioi^tion what your rights ai-e iu this honso.. 

Mrs. O'L. No quesdoii at all — my name's Mrs. O'Leary, 
and I'm lookinp; for my husband — on principle. My own, 
dear, fiuokie darling, wfio, in a fit of temporary insanity, ob- 
livions to my ch::rms — tied — {handkerchief and emotion.) Bear 
with me. 

Mrs. D. Had you been married long? 

]Mrs. O'L. Two days — two sweet days — and he was gone 
like the melting sun {'inn-hno — oce.rcome.) 

Ah Lang. (u.si<le and l. c.) That man Leary he sabe him 
buttel side bread — k-lah ! {laiujhs sh/li/ and, hoo-hoos opmhi.) 

Mrs. D. Pardon me, Mrs. O'Leary, but I must leave you. 

Mhs, O'L. Ten long months 1 liiive limited— souglit I'or 
him — prayed for him on prineiple. 

Mrs. D. I don't believe he is in this liouse. 

Ah Lang. What kindee man heV 

Mrs. O'L. (miUi enthnsia.sw.) Katlier short man — beauti- 
ful form — sucli legs — little near siglued — ;in Irisluuan witli a 
sweet brogue on liim as broad as a chair — (avV/A.s.) Alas! T 
shall never see liis like ag;an. 

All Lang, (lo Mr.^. D., aside.) You waitee; me gettee her 
away, {to Jfrs. O'L.) llisheeman — h'm — talkee like saw 
millee — li'm? {takes umbrella.) Bout so tallee? {with um- 
brella measures abnre his head.) 

Mrs. O'L. [interested.] Yes. 

Ah Lang. He go 'way? [(jets her valisv. and takes staije doicn 
and up.] 

Mrs. O'L. Yes! Yes! 

Ah Lang. He legs no stop piggee? [imitates boio lejs'i 

Mrs. O'L. Yes. just a little. 

Ah L. Me see Hishman tiiis morning. Ess! Ess! Me see 
Ilishman Joim hotel round corner allee same like hellee — 
k-lali ! 

Mrs. O'L. [histerrically embraces Ah Lamj.] Heaven bless 
you noble heathen! I know I'll find him, [ijoes to c. d. v.,] 
the darling; [threatningly] and when I do, won't I settlehim — 
on principle? As she cjoes up stage Ah Lrng pulls her shawl off. 
Exit Mrs. O'L. c. F., as Daltoa enters. They collide. His hat 
knocked off. 

Dalton. Good gracious, [picks np hat.] Is that woman 
drunk? [domes down to Mrs. D.] My good woman are you 
here yet. 

Mrs. D., L. down ; LuUon C; ^ih Lang, a. dovn. 

Mrs. D. Sir, I've been detained unexpectedly, and 

D. [atta.ble.] There! there my good woman, I have al- 
ready told you to come to-morrow; [rings gong bell] I'm very 
busy and can't possibly hear your case now. [rings again..] I 
know it's hard for you to wait. Where the devil's that Ah 
Lang! [bioking "//"c.; copies down, sees Ah L. behind chair,] 

Well, of all the cool impudence even you have been guilty 
of, this is just one peg bevond it. What do you mean by not 
answering the bell? " 

Ah L. Me here. 

D. So I see now. 

Ah L. Me no gonee, stay here allee time— k-lah ! 



D. Oh very well! I'll settle with you later. Take this 
lady to tlie (lining room and see she has something to eat. 
AIi'L. ilint't more.^ Exit c, Mrs. I). Do yon hear! Ah L. edg- 
es tmiyirds entrance c, keeping chair before him. What in won- 
der's name arc; you ti-ying to eari-y ott" that i'l\air for? Pou' 
my lite I believe your thieving propensities Iiave grown on 
yon so that yon can't help stealing bi-fore my Cace. 

Ah L. Me no stealee ehay, nie pnttee him place. 

D. You don't steal, oh no! [seizes niiihrct/a fioiiit,, drags Ah 
L. front c] You don't steal, you only hide tilings. 

Ah L. esc(ip<',-< up stage. Enter C, (/Learii ktiot-ks Ah L. dotvn 
at entrance n-ith Knihn'lla. 

O'L. [iiiiiiiiii/ foal (III Ah L.] The Chineman nuist<>'0 — down. 

D. Arthur'u'Leary as I live! 

O'L. How are ye Daltoii me boy? [lets Ah L. up ; hauls 
him l»j pig tail doivn front c. 

D O'Leary I'm glad to see you ! 

O'L. Same to ye. What shall I do with me prisoner of 
war; the spoils me bow aiul spear — I mean me umbrella, [re- 
leases Ah L,] 

D. Tlie wretch has been stealing 

O'L. And consayled the thin^^s on hi>i propria persona 

or elsewhere. Sarch him the the thafe of the world. 

D. turns Ah Us. back to the rmdience, bends him down and slow- 
lij drams ximhrella by handle^ from ■under blouse. 
" O'L. lias he wnrrinns? [hits Ah L. on seat of pants ; AhL. 
jumps nfi.] He lejis like a kid. 

D. What have yon in front there? 

O'L. Yes, out with it, ve pis; tailed rang-stickeang. 

Ah L. Me fatfee. [rubbing brih,.] 

O'L. Fat? Thin it's pnnkin seed ye've been ating. 

Ah L. Meeatee allee time, me get fattee — k-lah. 

O'L. [hits Ah L. with umbrella amuss bellij.] Take that for 
yei- k-lah. [Ah L. doubles uj> groaning.] Stand up like a man 
ye riggedoon. [hits liini on seat (f jian.ts.] Dalton he lias a 
crop of sometiiingundei' that blouse of his; take it out of him. 
[puts his valise and umbrella on table.] 

D. Come, disgorge you scoundrel, or I'll call a policeman. 

^4/i L. sloudij raises his blouse andliauls out valist — manxiges to 
have end of shnu-l ,,ul if slecre. 

O'L. [cxainiues ralise attentindg.] Young man tell me where 
ye got tills before I cut olfyer pig tail and pull yer teeth out 
one by one. AVhat's tills, [seizes end of shawl, pulls it out slow- 
Ijl by walking b(a'kn-((rds, L.] May i never see the back of me 
neck if it ain't me wife's. [ falls overeona- into chair.] 

D. [govs to O'L.] O'Leary what is this terrible thing that 
has overcome you ? 

O'L. [taking his hand, rises, enmicenaition.] Terrible? You are 
the friend of me youth, yon and I have i)layed togetiier in 
childhoods happy bours; i/'/.sv.vj but tirst let's make the damn- 
ed doubt doubly sure, [comic heavy.] Take that umbrella in 
your hand — yer lift hand; [D. takes it] end wid the rigiit in- 
sert it — the hand, not the umbrella ; raise it; [D. opens it] thin 
turn yer gory eye to the inside — thare, hah! hah! thare do 
ye see a strawberry mark — I mean a white patch on the sate 



10 

of his pants — hem! I mane inside the mnbrelhi — hah! hah! 
do you? Don't for heavens sake keep me in suspinse, as the 
felley said whin he was liung. 

Ah L. [aside.] He got 'em— jimmee, jimniee — k-lah. 

[Exit c. 

D. [shoics patch.] There certainly is a patcli. 

O'L. [takes D. front.] Lisht! lisht! 0-o-o-h lisht. It is me 
wife's umbrella! 

D. Well, what of that? 

O'L. What of that ? Hist [tiptoes to see if awj one listening.] 
Sweare. 

D. Oh well, certainly, if you like; damn. 

O'L. Och ! meile dioull Sweare niver to revale — I mean 
give me away. Sweare by tlie bottle lieatl of yer father's 
biggest bunion. 

D. O'Leary, are you serious? 

O'L. Perhaps I luk as if 1 war goin to draw me check fur 
tin tliousand dollars. 

D. Well no I must say you look more as if you had a note 
to pay for that amount. 

O'L. Och! but its the worst tiling I have to tell ye. I 
married a woman. 

D. You'd hardly marry a man. 

O'L. Bad luck to it, I wish I had. 

D. Tlien you would have been man — aged. 

O'L. I'd had the age on the man, do you mind. But I'm 
wastin time potherin here. 1 must disgiuse myself; [gets va- 
lise] I'll talk to ye while I'm doing it. 1 have the things here 
in me sack, [takes off coat.] 

D. This wont do here, go into my room, [pomis left.] 

O'L. Ye need't mind, I'm not going to cliange my shtrt. 
[business undressing.] 

D. You can just as well go into my room. 

O'L Certainly I can, but as its only you and me — same.] 
business.] 

D. Stop man, the ladies may come in. 

O'L. (startled.) Bless me! arid me wife might be among 
thim. (business of gathering up hat, coat, and vest &c. &c., drop- 
ping something and picking it up as he crosses hft) Oh — )io oh 
let me out of this. Murder I hear her coming up tlie stair; 
by the powers I'm a goner, (exit left) 

D. (laughs; sits L. Poor O'Loary lie's in a dreadful pucker. 
However he must have some cause, I'll wager if his wife is, 
as I suppose, that old cat who (imitates) "lias principles and 
comes from our beloved commonwealth Bostlng," (laughs), 
well I'm glad I can laugh, when perhaps I ought to be cry- 
ing over the misfortunes which even now may bi; about to ciush 
me. I'd not care but for Alice my darling! How it will 
blight her young life; silence that happy laugh, drown her 
flow of bright spirits in tears, my own sweet rosebud, only 
just about to bloom, (takes stage dov^n.) 

Alice sings without. Enter c. 

A. Oh papa, papa, (embraces him.) I have had such a time; 
I'm so happy — no I aint I'm awful sad. 



D. Why Alice I didn't know you were not at home. 
Why ore you so late? 

A. Late! is; it late? How the time does fly to be sure. 
But ifs all rijjiit papa, he was with me. And now he ain't; 
that's whv I'm glad and sad, sad and glad. 

D. "He!" 

A. Yes my lie. Don't you know who my he is — of course 
you don't. 

I). Kosebud you certainly are progressing rapidly for a 
gli'l just out of school. 

A. Heliim! (pert interjection.) How can you talk that way, 
ain't I seventeen years four months and five days old papii; 
I wear a train. My! I forgot, you haven't seen my new 
dress, (talo's aff cloak, hat &c., &c.,) my firsttrain too. [np stage 
sJunviiui train, looking back at him.) Ain't it scrumptious. 

D. Wliat! 

A. Toiiey? 

D. Scrumptioiis ! Tonej'! 

A. Isn't it just swell? 

D. Pon my word Rosebud ! Where did you learn that 
slang? 

A. He said it was scrumptious, toney and just no end 
swell. 

D. He did! 

A. Smiles, nods and makes affirmative aspirate. 

D. Then all I have to say is lie ! that he ! ! your he! ! has 
a deliglitful command of liinguage. 

A. ' Indeed he has. And his voice is so soft; particularly 
when he says this way : -'Alice, my own, I love you," 
(langhs.) 

D. Oh ! ho! he says that does he? that is yonr he says so. 

A. Yes papa; and wiien he takes my hand and presses it, 
just a little bit, you know, why I feel it go right up my arm 
and down my back, soit of a warm chill like. 

D. Yes, yes, I see; that is when this particular he presses 
your hand. 

A. Of course! I don't understand it though. Now when 
a girl takes my hand and puts her arm around my waist, it's 
very nice, butpsliaw! now when he — 

D. Does it, you tliink it's an improvement on the girls. 

A. {innocenthj) Why papa you seem to know all about it. 
{laughs.) 

D. Be that as it may young lady there's one thing I'd like 
to know when it may suit your highness' royal jDleasure to 
tell me. 

A. Certainly papa, you know I never restrain you in any- 
thing. 

D. (smiling.) Kosebud, for cool, innocent impudence, you 
are a phenomenon. 

A. Infant phenomenon you mean, papa. 

D. I don't know about that; if either of us is an infant my 
dear, I don't believe you are the one. 

A. Now the Lieutenant asserts just the contrary. 

D. Oh, oh ! then it's a Lieutenant. That is this he; your 
he? 



12 

A. Yes papa. He's a j?ay daslnn<; draijoon ; rides a horse ; 
charges ronud; sabre .clatteViiig:; spurs jingling; oh lie is so 
nice ! 

D. Evidently. 

A. You ongiit to .=ee him when he blows the bugle-I mean 
when tlie bugler blows. 

D. Oh never niiud; it's evident your Lieutenant can toot 
his own bugle — 

A. The men mount in hnste; the horses i^rance, the sabres 
rattle, the Lieutenant shouts forward ! charge! and then — 

D. What? 

A, And then it's; ta ra; ta ra; ta ra. (pmnccs at him with 
parasol; businest> for both. 

D. Company halt ! 

A. The Lieutenant never gives that order. 

D. Halt or I'll eourt-maitial you and the Lieutenantboth. 

A. Attention ! [faces front at ((tttntion, pairisol at a carrij.] 

D. [aside] By George! 1 have forgotten O'Leary. It 
won't do to tell Alice. 

A. See here Captain how long are you going to keep me 
in this position ? 

D. Break ranks; march ! [[jocs to door i..] 

A. [.sjis.] You gave the wrong command ; theLieutenant 
always says present arms. 

D. Alice [ have an old friend in my room, and when 
I bring him out; you mustn't be surprised, nor ask questions. 

A. Oh papa that isn't fair not to tell me your secret when 
I've just told you mine. 

D. [knocks at door,] I sa}\ (pause, knocks ayain.) I saj' — ah 
— I say — you — Mr — hello! Are you ready? No answei-; 
that's strange. [?o«A>ui. J I believe he's not there, [^oes in.] 

A. Here's a mystery, and 1 dote on mysteries. 

Jli'-enter Dalton. 

D. He's gone, fled, stole away like a thief in the night. 
Found the window up and O' — slips — gone. 

A. What a funny name O. Slips. 

D. [locks door; aside.] Well Mr. Arthur O'Leary, you'll 
not get in again without my knowing it. 

Enter Ah Lang timidly with card. 

So you haven't run away, [reads.] Count Hofmeister von 
Hofenstein. Show the gentleman up. von Hofenstein? 
Hofmeister? Count? I don't remember him. 

A. [risini/.] A Count! Oh let me see his card. Count 
Hofmeister von Hofenstein. How delightful ; of course you'll 
receive him papa. 

D. [to Ah L.] Show the gentleman in. 

[Exit c, Ah Lang. 

A. [arranging herself in chair] To think of a Count in ray 
first season. 

D. Then you've made up your mind that the enemy is 
yours already ? 

A. Beyond a question. He came, looked and was con- 
quered. 

D. How about your Lieutenant. 



13 



A. Oil ! he won't be here for Jin hour and that's time 
enough to conquer a German Prineipality. 

D. [nskle.] How like lier niotlier's coquettry. Pray 
Heaven it may not have a lilve result! 

Eater c, Ah Larvj and 0'' Liarij as Count Hofmsister von Hofen- 
stein. Ah Lang carries Counts valise ; leaves it. 

Count. Judge I bin overflowing niit joys to say goot 
nigiit. I visli yon go to lieiiz is l)ezzer. 

D. Happy to meet von, sir; but pardon me, if I aslc to 
wliom 1 owe my thanks for tiiis visit':' [Count hands D. letter 
apparently of introduction ; D. reads it. Business between Count 
and Alice, flirting. 

D. [do^on r. ; aside, reads.] "Dear Dalton. — Tlie Count 
is travelling in cog. He is not German but Greek, trona 
County Galvvay. [looks at Count — laughs.] Sold! [to Count] 
My dear sir, this is certainly a good passport, but as I'm 
piessed for time, will you excuse me? My daughter will do 
the honors of the iiouse. Alice, I present to you Count 
Hofmeister von Hofenstein. My daughter. Count. 

They salute ; Alice, very ceremonious curtsy; Count, low boto ; 
repeat, witli c.raiji'ration. D. to c. F., concealed laughter. 

D. An rrn,ii\ Count Hofmeister von Hofenstein. Exit, 
pantomime htugliti r. A. and C. sit C 

C. Ach ! Got in Hiinmel! dot vas a blessures. I haf to 
say Mees Dalton I loaf you 

A. Oh! Count. [Intsincsti -with fan.] 

C. I loaf you to see dot evenings. 

A. Ah! I understand. 

C. Haf you a loafer 

A. Have I loafer? [astonishment.] 

D. Yah ! haf you a loafer to see me dot evenings? 

A. Oh yes! yes I'm very glad to see you. [sentimentally.] 
Indeed Count it's a great pleasure. 

C. Sol 

A. I am verj^ fond of foreign gentlemen. 

C. So!! 

A. I particularly like Germans. 

C. So!!! 

A. Es|)ecially German Counts. 

C. So!!! Heiiu-! 

Enter c, Lieutenant Jlclntyre. 

A. And I adore speeticals. 

C. [rises.] Ach Mees; ich bin agerman; ich bin a gount; 
ich hahe dot spek.legals; \on ow kna-] and ich bin your loaf- 
er, [kisses her hand.] A. laughs hid lind fan. 

Lt. M. {down R. c, sits.] And for a big loafer you till the 
bill devilish well. A. offended takes stage. 

C. [rises.] Who is dot young mans? 

Lt. Oh don't mind me: Are away ; I'm one of the family; 
I can stand it if tlie young lady can. 

A. [aside.] Oh! ho! I'll see liow much you can staud. 

C. So! You is von of de leetle poys about de house; veil 
den dot makes no ditferance, I nefer mind sckildern ; [on knees 
to Alice.] Mees Dalton I'm your loafer, vill you pe mine 
loafer? [LVs., businss suppressed anger and uneasiness.] 



14 

A. [coj/.] Oh Count this is too sudden; you must ask papa. 

C. [rises.] I vill; put now dell me dot von vord — gife me 
dot von leetle kees. 

A. [si(/hs.] Oh Count. 

C. Coom inside deser arms. [enibTuces her.] 

Lt. [taps him oil shouhlcr.] See here; [again] I say; look 
here old bologna sausage, ain'tyougoingita little toostrong? 

C. [kicks at him hacka-ards.] Go vay "leetle poy. 

Lt. Well but the second relief is ready to fall in. I say 
bologna! 

C. [turns to him.] "Who vas a polona! 

A. [angri/.] Gentlemen! gentlemen ! I'm astonished that 
you should quarrel in my presence. 

A . takes stage up and dou-n ; Lt. and C. on each side of her pro- 
testing; run next speeches to all three nearly front readij to stop. 

C. He said I vas a polona; he vas a shaufskauflT pleed mit 
mine lieart dot you vas made. I vill skoot him only he vas a 
l)oy vat should get spanged. 

Lt. I ain't mad only that confounded old beer barrel kissed 
you. You know. you are engaged to me; you said so to-day; 
not two hours ago. [«oco«H«] You animated mash tub! I'll 
break your ribs for you. 

When doicn last time Alice slops short Lt. and Count collide front , 
business. 

A. [ laughs. ] Beauty and the beasts, [laughs.] Keep it up 
gentlemen; keep it up. [gets ton.] Lieutenant how do j'ou 
stand it now ? [laughs ; Count same.] Count ! [burlesque] I loaf 
you! Haf you a loafer? [ laughs:, affectedly.] Ask papa. 

[i?xit n. 
Lieutenant laughs. Count serious. 

Lt. I say bologna. 

C. Veil leetle poy. 

Lt. Haf you a loafer ? 

C. Hod you some keesses? 

Lt. [angry; goes up] I'll settle with you for that. Dont 
you forget it. 

C. smacks lips enjoying imaginary kisses; throws one occasionaly 
at him. 

I'll see you again where there'll be no ladies and it's very 
little kissing you will do. [exit C] 

O'L. [taking off heard] How was that for liigh? I'll have 
to turn me back on the Count Hofmeister von Hofenstein 
and get into me own proper charracter or that young ban- 
tam'll be pulling me wig off; then the fat'd be all in the fire. 
[ goes to door left\tries it ] Locked ! and that other's the young 
lady's room. Well an old campaigner like I am never made 
a fuss about me boudoir. I've got to shave meself that's cer- 
tain sure, [business at table taking off coat, collar, vest; shaving 
things from his valise; makes lather using water from flower vase; 
strops rasor ; sets up mirror on table so as to see Mrs. CL. enter c. 
The above is business for next speech. 

Bryan O'Lyn had no pants for to ware, 
So he got him a shapes skin to make him a pare; 
Wid the woolley side out and the skiny side in, 
They'll do for cowld weather said Bryan O'Lyn. 



15 

I wonder whnt he did for undergarments. Oh nmrder! but 
did'iit I swall.v tlie Liftiuint hovvr? [lanijJis.] Faith ! If I can 
decave Mrs. "O'Leary bj-^ that same CJount Hofineister von 
Hofensteiu, I'm ready for my revenge on her. {sin/js:} 
Bryan O'Lyn had no coat to his back, 
So he tumbled tlie peraties right out of a sack, 
He cut two holes to puthis arms in, 
Just like an over coat saj's Br5'an O'Lyn. 

3Irs. 0''Learii and Ah Lang appear, c. entrance; pantomine be- 
tween them; Ah Lang indicates that is the man, and sheexnltation. 

CLeary lathers chin; Mrs. crL<'iir;i tiiitai .-■ t,,inirds him: In srrs 
in the mirror; fright and amn.:. ux ni ; 'hii/r rs I/is ni/in f,i,-r tn <//,<- 
gnise it. She taps him on th: slinnhjir: /..■<!,, n't ,/,'//,'•/ (7,- ri'innis. 

Mi!S. O'L. (sarcasticlij.) Mister O'Leary. (fLiMnj goes on 
with lathering. Mister O'Leary — Sir!! Turn j'our wretched 
diabolical face towards me, aiid gaze with those cats eyes of 
yours on the wreck of a once proud beauty. 

O'L. (grimace, front— tainks with whole right side of face; 
aside.) Shoot the beauty! 

Mrs. O'L. [shoitts.] Turn I say; are you deaf! ! 

O'i., rises, turns towards her ; Mrs. O^L., donH recognize him 
through lather, astonished ; confused. 

Mks. O'L. Pardon me sir; spare my blushes; I am sure 
sir for one of my tender years, seeing a strange gentleman 
in his shirt sleeves and alone — the Chinaman don't count 
— yes Sir, alone ah ! (sighs.) 

O'L., sliows a placard in lai^ge lettrers, "/ am deaf and d^tmb.'" 
O^L., pantomines deaf aad dumb. 

Mrs. O'L. Sir I am a lone woman, and your manly form 
overcomes me with the sweet recollection of one very dear to 
me, (handkerchief,) t\\o?,e legs were like his, CL. tries to hide 
legs with towel,) ah ! hah ! those feet, (O'L. tries tohidefect,) tiiere 
is not another pair but yours in the wide, wide world, (boo- 
hoos &., &.,) Tliey are his very pants. Where did you get 
them? Oh tell this bleeding heart, where did you get those 
pants!! O'L. writes on card: ^'■Bought them from Coroner; 
belonged to a droicned man named Arthur O'Learij. 

Mrs. O'L. (screams.) Drowned ! drowned ! Oh good kind 
sir, let me repose on your manly bosom and weep, (embraces 
him.) 

O'L. Mrs. O'L., ain't ye ashamed before the haythen 
Chinee! 

Mrs. O'L. (screams.) 'Tis he ! at last I've got you ! 

O'L. Have you ? Take that, plasters her face ivith soap 
lather; She blinded, claws him; tears his shirt in struggle, Ah L. 
tries to help; 0''L. gives liim a hack hander, O'L. keeps up an Irish 
'^harroo.''' 

O'L. (at c. entrance.) Harroo! me foot is on me native 
heath, and me name is Mickee Duffy. (Exit c.) 

jMrs. O'L. has grabbed Ah L., iv ho tries to free himself. 

Mrs. O'L. Oh my darling duckee! Rest here on this 
bosom mjr own hubby tubbJ^ [rocks him.] 

Ah L. Me no washee tubbee tubbee. [frees himself] 



16 



Mrs. O'L. [seeing mistake; to c. entrance, meets Lt. Mclntyre.] 
He's gone I He's gone! Fled from tiie, oh ! oh ! [faints c. in 
Lfs. arms] 

Lt. McI. Good Lord, supposing Alice should see me now ! 
My good woiiKin are you better? I say Madam are yon not 
recovered slightly? Come now; don't you feel your strength 
returning? ru'lct you fall ! I havn't tiie strengtii a giant! 
{coaxiiid.) Ah Lang, you're stronger Ihan I, take lier. 

Ah L. Xo sirree, me no strong enough to carry allee Bos- 
ting— k-lah ! 

Lt. Tiie devil, man come lierel (dnKjs Mrs. O'L. touuirds 
Ah L. seemimjly with ijn'at labor.) 

Ah L. {backs off). Me weak in hackee. You youngee man ; 
j'ou poottee man; you ladee man; you liab fun, liab workee 
too; vou dancee, now von pa}^ fi(hlie-dedee ! Solon .Jolni — 
k-lah'! [E.ritc. 

Lt. Just wait till I get out of this and I'll pay you your 
fiddle de-dee. i s((ht('lnisiiit'ss (Irat/f/iiKj Mrs. (f L. lov-ards chair c .) 
Enter K., Alice Dalton. 

Oh Lord ! here she is! 

A. {astonishment and aiujcr.) Lieutenant Mclntyre of tlie 
United States Cavalry, wli'at in tiie world does tliis mean? A 
woman in your arms before my very eyes! Well indeed! 
Upon m\' word ! 

Lt. Oh well, it's an even thing; she isn't any more of an 
armCuU than your big dutchman, Count Hofmeister von Ilof- 
enstein. 

Mrs. O'L. (recovers in hi/stertcal jerks ; holds on to Lieuten- 
ant M''s. c(dlar.) Aheu ! Alien! Alas! Alas! A)no ; Amas ; 
Amat ! I love, thou lovest, he loves But he lias lied from 
my charms; gone from me! Mine! I, 1 from Bosting, that 
seat of wisdom. Oh il I ever catch him, won't 1 lixtlie mon- 
ster — on principle! 

A. So you shall my good woman, {to Llentenant.) Where's 
your gallantry ? Support the lady ! 

Lt. Support her ! She can carry both of us now ! 

[Exeunt all, R. 
Enter Dalton, c. ; to t(d>le ; luis hat, showing been out. 

D. No news. It can't be good news. There's no bigger 
lie than your wise saying; "No news — good news." I know 
my fate must be decided by this time, and yet no telegram. 
I ought to have had one hours ago. 

Mrs. .Dalton and Ah Lang api^ear at c, entrance, followed by 
Judge Cain; the Judge smokes short pipe all through scene ; Ah 
L. comes doicn. 

{ To Ah L., Dalton does not see the others.) Have you any tel- 
egram for me? 

All L. hands telegram; retires up. 

At last! (c. down ; hesitates to open it.) Whj^ do I pause? 

Mrs. D. comes down fo about 3 grooves, L. c. 

I know there is ruin in these few words. I feel an oppres- 
sion in tlie air? What is it? Oil fate, what have you in 
store for me? {opens telegram nervously and reads haltingly ; 
suppressed emotion. ) "Your — drafts— protested — we — cannot 



17 

— help you ! !" {telegram falls from his hands ; outstretched arms 
slowly raised ; reels and faces Jlrs. D. 'when he is about 2 grooves, 
K. C.) 

Mrs. D. (raising reil.) Ilnward ! 

D. (staggers ; hoarse >nhisjn'r.) Yon liere ! 

Mrs. D. Husband, I !iave returned to you in your hour of 
need, (kneels to him.) I luive come to jdead for my inno- 
cence; to share your sorrows; to he with my eliihl. Howard 
lam innocent of any crime; believe me, I am innocent of 
wrong to you my husband ! (takes his hand ; tries to shake her 
off; she clings to him; drags her r. and down; Jit, business to speech) 
I have never wi-onged tlienameof wife— never, as I hope for 
mercy ! As God is my judge, I am innocent! 

Dultnn shakes her off'. 

D. Innocent. Yon are as innocent as the veriest drab 
that walks t lie streets. Hear youV [going to c. entrance.] I 
will, and so shall others. 

Mrs. D. [r/*('.s.) Oh Heavens ! wliat are you going to do? 

D. Proclaim you to the world as you are. ! 

Mrs. D. Howard before you wrong yourself hear my 
story. Those letters of mine, which ted your insane jealousy, 
were written to my father who stands thei-e! (to '■•Jndge'^ 
Cain, who nods, chucldes,and resumes pipe.) Those clandestine 
meetings, you thought so sus])icious, w ere to see liim ! [ could 
not confess that xny father-oli ! tliat I iiave to tell it now-that 
he was an outcast, a miserable drunkard, a fugitive from the 
law ! 

At each epithet the Judge nods, and chuckles. 

How could I acknowle(]ge this to yon my husband and teach 
my child to call liim gran<ii)a ! 'J'hink of it and have pity! 

b. (incredulnushiugh.) Ha! ha! And did yon imagine that 
I would believe such a flimsy stoi-y as this; tliat I would be- 
lieve such a witness as stands there; a man di-agged out of 
the gutter; bought to come Iiere and lie? What a simple 
fool you must have alw;iys judged me. But this is a day for 
lies, and I have a confession to make to you and our daughter. 
All these \('ars I have lived a lie, and called you dead ! The 
little Alice you loved so well, believes you in your grave. 
(shouts) Alice! Alice! 

Mrs. D. Mercy! Mercy! 

D. (to door right throws it open.) Alice! Alice! 

Alice and Lt. appear c. entrance. Alice and Dalton r. c. Mrs. 
Dalton covers her face toith her hands. 

D. (taking Alice\s hand.) Daughter you loved your Mother ? 

A. Dear Mother! 

D. You believe her dead ? 

A. Oh father why tlo you ask? We all know her sainted 
soul is in Heaven. 

D. It's a lie! There she is, grovelling in her hell on 
earth ! There siie is a recreant wife, driven in shame from 
this house! She has returned to nigiitto gloat over my fall — 
my ruined hopes — my dishonored name — (sinks in chair at 
table.) Lost! lost! lost! 

Tableau. Alice bending over him and looking in horror at Mrs. 



18 

Dalton, who sinks to stage. Ah Lang and Lieutenant to right. 
^'■Judge''^ Cain, i.. C 

Enter, 0. entrance, Mrs. O'L., dragging O'L. bg the ear, and 
flourish ing nmhrella. O'L., while off reneios lather to make it 
promincni and has, loith spread fingers, drawn over his face, made 
a series of streaks; shirt torn; suspenders hanging. Enter c. Police- 
man McCormick collars the Judge. 

O'L. Found! FouinU FouikI! 

QUICK CUKTAIX. 



ACT II. 

SCEN"E FIRST.— Siree^; one in poor quarters, or surburban; 
afternoon; in 1st or 2d gn 



Some months have elapsed 

Discover policeman McCormick on duty. 

Enter Dalton and Alice poorly clad; emaciated; Dalton someivhat 
insane; weak; staggers a little; Alice supports him as they enter. 

A. Coiirasje fMtlier; Ah Ling must live near here, and I 
know he will <j;ive us sometliing to eat. 

D. Wliy don't yon ^o to tlie bank for money to buy what 
you want? I'll <2;ivH von a check for a thousand dollars. The 
drafts from New York have come and we are all sound and 
safe. It's all rigiit my o-oad man, your deposit is perfectly 
safe. Whatdoyou say? Your little children must starve? 
I robbed them? They arc crying for bread? Bread? Alice, 
I'm so hungrj', why don't we have something to eat? {Stag- 
gers ) 

A. "We will father. Come only a little longer. 

McC. Here! you two move on ! 

A. Yes sir, itnt my father is sick and weak. 

McC. Djunk ve mane. Move on I say, or I'll run ye both 
in. 

A. Oh ! please sir we are going. 

Mc M. Ye'd bettur. 

Noise of row outside; Ah Lang enter n. spattered with mud, 
blouse torn, followed by croiod of hoodlums yelling at him. 

Ah L. Policeeman ! policeeman ! 

McCormick gives him supercilious look and sloioly to L.; hood- 
lums yell and pound Ah Lang. 

A. [between them.] Go away you ruffians ! 
Hoodlums hustle Alice. 

Ah L. [draws knife from sleeve; pulls Alice to left of him, he 
facing hoodlums.] Yon beettee me allee light,me chineeman, 
me washeeman,;illee light; but yon touchee one bittee Mis- 
see Alice — me killee you! 

Alice to Dalton c. Hoodlums exeunt R. jeering. 

McC. [collars Ah Lang.] 1 want ye. 

Ah L. You wanltee me? 



19 

McM. [pointing to kni ft'.] Consiiyled wepens. 

Ah L. [hand in poclel.] How miiclioi'? 

McG. Are ye ti-yiii to iii-flii-eiice :iii lionist offesur nisjin 
his dooty? 

Ah. Lang ivinJcs at him; lie returns it. Ah L. gives him money 
slily. 
Ye kin o;o; but Inlv out fur yerself. [goes lefl.\ 

Ah Lang follows McCormick; shakes fist at him;business be- 
tween the two. Exit left 3/cC. 

D. Ah Lano-! you rnsc.-il ! come here and <rive me thattel- 
egrain. But no! its all "one. Widows robbed; cliildren 
crying for bread. 'J'liere h(MS ! See there! He says I stole 
the food from his children's UKUitlis. Oh! don't say that — 
don't say that! See how heslaies! He is dying for food ; 
and I have killed him! Oh! 

A. Ah Lang! my father is starving! 

Ah L. What! NoentteeV 

A. He has not tasted (bod for two days. 

Ah L. [going l., supporting Daltun.] Yon comee Ah Lang's 
lionse; allee yours. Mastel Daltoii crazy; yon crazy. You 
runee way and hidee; mee no can fiiidee yon; Lieutenant no 
can findee; wild llishman nocan fimlee yon. Coinee Chinee- 
man's Joss house, get eatee; lindee mediceeman. You no 
eatee two days? — Damn ! 

[Exeunt r. 

Policeman McCormick enters l. as Dalton and others are leaving 
stage. McC. crosses u. and looks off observing them. 

Mrs. O'L. [outside.] Stop him! Stop him! Murder! Po- 
lice ! 

Enter L. hurriedly, CfLeary ; crosses r. McCormick collars and 
walks him to l. entrance, meeting Mrs. CLeary. 

Mrs. O'L. [taking 0''L''s. arm to c] Give him to me Mr. 
Policeman ; he's perfectly safe when I have my hands on him. 
So you were going to run away, wcie you? 

d'L. No nie dear, I was only 

Mks. O'L. Yes, 1 know, you were only just taking a little 
exercise. 

O'L. Me deal-, didn't you tell me to 

Mhs. O'L. To inquire where that oriental heathen Ah 
Lang lived, but 1 didn't tell you to dodge around the corner. 

O'L. Dodge? Did ye iver know me to dodge? Do I Ink 
like a dodger? Bate me; lock me in me room ; stop me wiiis- 
key; [laeh)'ymose] but don't accuse me of being a dodger. 

Mrs. O'ii. How often ami to tell you "not to snivel? 
Wipe your nose. 

O'L. 1 havn't a handkerchief. 

Mrs. O'L. Arthur, you are disgusting to a woman ot prin- 
ciple. 

O'L. [meekly.] I know it me dear. 

Mrs. O'L. You're a, bi-nte. 

O'L. 1 am. 

Mrs. O'L. You'll be the dealh of me. 

O'L. 1 will. 

Mi!S. O'L. Oh ! Arty, Arty ! You no longer wear in your 
heart of hearts, the divine efflatus of love, [handkerchief.] 



20 

O'L. [qrimace of disgust ; aside.] Luk at lier ! Ink at her ! 
I'll liuve to stop this, or we'll not timl Dalton. A-ineel-ial 

Mrs. O'L. Leave me! leave me to pass away from this 
miuidaue spiicre in r-iijhs. 

OT.. A-meel-ia. nic love. 

Mrs. O'L. (io way '^ you are naughty. 

O'L. Naughty y Niver! [<(side] when there wasn't a good 
chance. 

Mks. O'L. Do you love me? 

O'L. Do I love you? Luk at me — hehowld me ! [outspread 
arms.] Then embrace, 0''Lear>j facial disgust. 

O'L. [observing McCormick.] Whist! The cop's lukin. 

Mrs. O'L. I care not if the whole world were gazing with 
disti'uded eye balls. This! this is a matter of principle. 

O'L. Principle be 1 mane dastncy; dasincy, Mrs. 

O'Leary ! 

Mrs. O'L. Fly not from me sweet birdie. 

O'L. Birilie! ' If I wei-e only an ostrich! See here mad- 
ame, this may do for Boston Comuion, but we're in San Fran- 
cisco, and it's only lauip posts tliey hug here. 

Mrs. O'L. Dearest, is it questionable? 

O'L. It's a question of gravity in both cases, [releasing 
himself.] 

Mrs. O'L. Arthur, do not the poets and philosophers of 
all ages, tell us that love is eternal and has no regard for 
time nor place? 

O'L. Nor conscience. Here we are, palaverin and Dalton 
and the little girl may be starving. 

Mi;s. O'L. Oil! iio! 1 understand! You are going to re- 
bel again. Don't forget yourself. 

O'L. [meeld;/.] No, me dear, I ain't. I wouldn't kick if I 
sat on a clicstnut bun-. 

Mrs. O'L. You'd better not, sir ! 

O'L. I won't. 

Mrs. O'L. Sliut np! 

O'L. I have; 

Mrs. O'L. You will drive me to insanity. 

O'L. I can't. 

Mrs. O'L. [turns from him indignant.] Mr. Policeman, is 
this your beat? 

McC. It is, 

Mrs. O'L. Do you know a chineman named Ah Lang, liv- 
ing around in tiiis quarter of your city of magnificent monu- 
mental witnesses of a Babylonish future? 

McC. Is itaboordin iiouse ye want? 

O'L [airih/.] What an ignorant bog-trottin mick, not to un- 
derstand Friiich. The lady wants to know where a chinay- 
man stows his prog. 

Mrs. O'L. blows his prog! What language is that? 

O'L. Coptic; language of tiie cop. 

Mrs. O'L. Ah ! Then we will adress him in Latin. Quo 
usque tandem abutere patientia nostra; ohlofficius civetas/ 

McC. Whicli ! 

Mrs. O'L. He dont seem to understand Latin. 

O'L. How cud he, the way you pronounce it. 



Mrs, O'L, You are nii jfjiiorainiis ! 

f)'L. I know it; my love. 

Mks. O'L. Have you seen a Mr. Daltoii about liere; Mr. 
Polieeraan ? 

McC. Do ye inane tlie banker tliat busted anil robbed so 
many pooi- jieople? If it's liini, I'd like to know, or me name's 
not Fliciim ]\IeCoiiniek. But I'll tell ye that a while ago a 
Chinaynian met liere an old man, and a girl he called Miss 
Alice. Are them tiie wans yer lukin fur? 

O'L. Wheie did thev go old nut cracker ? They're the — 

Mrs. O'L. Mister O'Leary., did I ask you to inten-upt me 
in my casual examination of this intillegant officer of the law? 

O'L, I don't know, me love. 

Mrs. O'L. Speak when you are spoken to. [to McCormkk.] 
Did you observe in what direction these people you spoke of 
tended ? 

McC. Which? 

Mrs. O'L. In wiiat way did they direct their meandering 
steps ? 

McC. See 1iei-e; aie you making game of me? 

O'L. Thunder ami onnds ! She manes, did ye spot tliim, 
which way they wint? 

McC. [grufflij.] Hum I Joss house 'round the corner, [ex- 
it I., with a strut ] 

Mrs. O'Ij. Ai-thur, wliat is a Joss house? 

O'L. Ahem ! It's a Chinee Chur(di. 

Mrs. O'L'. A China Church ? I've lieard of a brick church, 
a stone church, iron and wooden, but who ever heard of a 
church made of China? [0'ic«r// explodes in loud laughter.] 
What means this unseemly mirth? 

O'L. [laughing.] Cliurch made of China ! 

Chokes vjith-^hnighter ; as he bends over caughing, Mrs. ffLmry 
hits him a hard ivhacJi on tJie back with her umbrella ; he straight- 
ens up quickly, in pain. 

Mrs. O'L. [sarcastirall;/.] Do you feel better, my love? 

0"Ij. [rubbing his buck.'] I otigiit to, my dear. 

Mrs. O'L. Then lollow me, sir ! [she goes L.] 

O'L. I will — [as she exits l.] be damned if 1 do! 

He turns and strikes off u. ; she returns l. and exit in long strides 
after him ; they return and exit L., she marching him in front of 
her, using umbrella as a baton. 



ACT IL 

SCENE S'ECO'S'D.— Interior of Chinese .Toss House; full stage . 
Night', In.ntf'rns lighted. 

Discover, about 3rd groove, Dalton reclining on divan; Alice 
seated on ottoman and leaning on same divan. Ah Lang near, cup 
and saucer in his hand. 

Ah L. [placing cup on small table near by.] Now you no 
.sickee, only litlee bittee. Mediceenian he say, not muchee eat, 
notalkee, sleep alia lightee. Now me talkee Joss; alia Chine- 
man talkee same. Me say, oh goodee Joss ! niakee Missec Alice 
wellec, makee Mistel Dalton wellee. Melicanman he talkee 



22 



his Joss he glouii, lie gluiit; Cliineinaii he dance, he sing. 
You see now. 

Ah Lang goes l. <(ml h. summoning Chinamen from the wings. 
They enter and go through a ceremony; fur this form see memoran- 
dum. 

Daring ceremony Dalton and Alice sleep. Lt. Mclntyre has en- 
tered R.'lstK., unobserved by Chinamen, while they are kneeling. 
He conceals himself behind center idol. The ceremony completed, 
all Chinamen, save Ah Lang, exeunt u. and l. Snd and 3rd e. 
Enter, l. 1st e., Mrs. Dalton, followed by the Judge. Mrs. D. and 
Ah Lang meet L. c. front. Thn Judge goes R. and up stage. 

Mks. D. Ah Lang, I am so glad to find yon. I could not 
rest until I had learned if there was any trace of the lost ones. 
Have you found llieniV 

Ah L. Who you talkee me found ? 

Mi:s. D. Alice, or Mr. Dalton y Oh don't torture me with 
suspense! 

Ah L. You wantchee see Iiim? You wantehee see Mistel 
Dalton? He kickee yon out his house, last teem. He say you 
foolo women; he telleeMissee Alice so. Now you wantchee 
see him — k-lah ! 

Mks. D. You know that lam not guilty. 

Ah L. Ess; me saba tiiat. 

Mhs. D. Even if 1 were the horrible thing he says I am, 
could I see her sutler? Do I not know that slie is penniless, 
perhajjs, houseless, — starving; a father dependenton lier 
childish caie. A man broken in heart and mind; craz'd 
by the ruin he has caused to oiheis? And am 1 not still his 
innocent wife, and her loving mother? 

Ah L. [wipes his eyes.] Missee Dal ton, you goodee woman ; 
me saba you goodee; my eye say so. is'ow ipe tellee you 
whele littee Alice b'long. 

3Iks. D. Oh, Ah Lang! 

Ah L. You no fluss, no soleam? 

Mks D. Siie is here ; slie is here ! 

Ah L. Now you fluss, you scleam. 

Mus. D. No, Ah Lang; good Ah Lang! Tell me, where 
she is? 

Ah L. Lookee! [points to Alice and Dalton.] 

Mrs. D. turns and sees the two sleepers; is about to rush to them; 
Ah L. restrains her. 

Me saba you fluss, you scleam ! Nogoodeii ! Mediceeman give 
diiuk niakee sleep. You wakee — damn! 

Mhs. D. [dries eyes; suppressed emotion.] See! lam calm. 
I will not waken her. 1 would not ilistnrb one breath of that 
sweei sleep for worlds! 1 will give her only a whispered 
blessing an<l a mother's soft kiss. 

Ah L. [releases her; going li.] No talkee loud? woman no 
talkee loud? Me likee see one. Flus teem in me lifee— k- 
lali ! 

Mrs. D. has turned eagerly to go up, but is stopped by Lt. Mc. 

Lt. M. ritop! madam. 

Mks. D. [surprise.] 8ir? 

Lt, M. I don't wisii to be rude, but I cannot permit you 
to go near that young lady. 



23 

Mrs. D. What do yo-.i mean? 

Lt. M. Simply tliut I have placed myself on guard over 
sleepinjr iiiiioceiR'e. 

Mi{s. D. Still I don't midei-stand how this applies to me. 
[wiUi di(/nit>/.] I am tliat young lady's mother. Yon are la- 
boring- un<h'r some sti'ange mistake, [starts to go up.] 

Lt. M. [Ktops her.] On the contrary, lam unliajipiiy aware 
of all the facts; anil to speak plainly, I will not permit such 
as yon to even toiicii her! 

Mks. D. How dare you use such words to me? [fiercely.] 
Stand aside, sir! [tries to pass him.] 

Alice wakes; rises; lopks at the stnujijle surprised. Dalton 
struggles to waken ; can't, hut turns on diran with his face to left 
wing, and still sleejis. 

Lr. M. [seizes her wrist.] You shall not go to her! 

Miis. D. Let go of me, you scoundrel! [struggles to free 
herself.] You are an insult to the name of your mother! 

SiniHltaneouslg : the Judge comes doion and forces Lt. M. to the 
left, freeing Mrs. D. ; Ah L. supports Mrs. D. on her right ; Alice 
center and a little retired. 

AhL. K-lah! 

TABLEAU. 

A. [to her mother irith quiet dignity.] You here. 

Lt. M. frees hi insi'lf roughly from Judge, who chuckles and re- 
sumes Jiis pipe ; ijiii-s II Hull- back and l. 

]Vli{S. I), [.vorrnufulh/.] And you too believe me guity of 
your fatliei 's vile suspicions? Remember, Alice, the love, 
and <lnty, you owe him, are mine also; doubly mine: 1 gave 
youbirlii; nursed you; your ills have been my ills, your 
joys my joys. In sickness and in iiealth, was I ever anything 
to you luit a dutiful and loving mother? 

A. [folteringly.] Yes — but father says — [breaking doi'-n; sobs.] 
Oh wiiat shall 1 do? — [in Mrs. D's. arms.] Moth"er ! mollicr ! 

Mks. 1). [soothing her.] Tliere ! tliei-e ! my (.iarliog ! Wipe 
away your tears, and listen to me; thei-e is sometliing I must 
tell you. I have appealed to your lieait, and thank Heaven, 
not in vain, but now I must prove to you how guiltless 1 am. 
[gently releasing herself from Alice.] 

A. Mother dear, i do not want any proof, [again to Mrs. 
Z)'a'. arms.] 

Lt. M. Madame may I speak to you ? 

Mks. D. [dignity.] You may sir; but I reserve the right 
to question any thing you can say. 

Lt. M. JNIrs. Dalton, I most sincerely regret my rudeness. 
Tiie only exi)lanatioii 1 can offer is my great love for your 
daui2,htcr. Forgive me. 

A. Forgive bin), niotiier, for my sake. 

I\1ks. D. For your sake? [caressingly.] I would do any- 
thing lor you, my darling, [steps towards Lt. M., Alice to the 
right.] I ioigive you sir. [extends her hand ; Lt. M. kisses it, 
boiinng low.] 

AhL. Woman belike cattee — he sclatchee, sclatchee, then 
he plullee, plullee. [humps his back, drops arms, throws head 
up imitating actions of cat.] K-lah ! 

Mrs. D. [Alice is about to put her arm around Mrs. D., the 



latter stops her.] Not now, Alice. I wisii to appeal to your 
reason ; to tell my side of this mattei-; to ann yon so strong 
in my pui ity that you can meet the question at any time, or 
in aiiy presence. 

A. I do not care to hear it. I know liow .2:ood you are. I 
will permit no one to utter, a breath of slander againsttlie best, 
tlie dearest of mothers. 

Alice and Mrs. D. embrace, latter affected. 

Lt. M. Alice, it is justice to your mother that we siiould 
heal- the facts in lier unhappy liistory. 

Business for Judge. 

All L. Me say that b'loni>- blsseeness — k-lah ! 

Mils. D. Daughter, when your faliier won my love, it was 
an all i)ervading ])assion which took pos-nssion of me; 1 lov- 
ed him with my wliole sor.l, I preferred to die i-ather than 
not to lie his wife. Witli a selHsli blindness, I revolted from 
tlie truth ; I slirank. like a gniliy thing, from telling iiim tliat 
my lather was a common drunkard, a coiivicte<l felon, and at 
that very time, in prison for forgery. 1 deceived my lius- 
band into the belief that I was an orpluin, and alone in the 
world; I deceived him, ami biLteily I iiave atoned for it. 

A. VVIuit a cruel fate! [tears.] 

Mhs. D. My lather escaped trom prison. Hearing that I 
had mariied a wealthy man, he wrote me, ilcmandinga meet- 
ing. I wonUl not denounce him to the authoiities; to tell 
your father was equivalent to immediate ari-est, such was his 
stern sense of justice. In tear and misery 1 granted a meet- 
ing — but not alone. 

Ah L. No, no, lonee; me saba that b'long so — k-lah. 

Mks. D. Ah Lang was witli me. I found this wietched 
criminal hiding like a hunted aninnil, ahnost dead for food, 
lie demanded money. 1 supplied it. Ah Lang was always 
nij- messenger. 

Ah. L. You bettee your sweetee lifee, me catchee that 
ole tief some plenty monev — k-kili ! 

Mhs. D. [to Lt. JI.] He grew exorbitant in liis demands 
ami once, when he had asked to see me, 1 replied by letter, 
that, fearing my husband, I could not meet him. A forgery 
of tliis letter he sold to Mr. Dalton, stating that lie was a de- 
tective, and that he had obtained it from an old lover of mine. 

Lt. M. [to Jud(je.] You infamous scoundrel ! 

Judije nods, smiles and smokes. 

Ah L. Mi 'pinion he b'longs a flust class Dennis Kearny, 
Mclican hoodlum — damn ! 

Mks. D. When my husband asked an explanation of me, I 
answci-ed only with tears ami supplications for his trusting 
love, liis reply was the comnuxnd to leave him forever. 

A. And i believed you dead. 

Mas. D. Tliat was my only comfort; I preferred you to 
think me dead than dishonored. It was arranged that you 
be sent away to school and that I should go, ostensibly, on a 

visit east. You left liome. and then you were told 

1 was — dead, [eyes fixed and staring, is about to fall, supported 
by Lt. M. and Ah L.] 

A. [wildly.] Her heart is l)roken — she is dying! 



Lt. M. Don't h." alanneil, Alice, she has only fainted. 
Tilt- recollections of jier son-ows were too great. All Lang', 
is there a room liere? Watei-, Alice— quick, water! 

Alice searches the stiuje. 

Ah L. Ess, ess, roo'n ; takee her liijlitee way, now, click. 

Lt. M. curries, (or Ah L. can assist) \Urs. D. 'uif at i;. Jd e., 
fott'iweil hij Ah L. ana thr Jiuhj:'. 

A. [Ii:ii 's- // '/• h:(.-<lii -,s,s' nj s 'ii'-i-'i t'l see Dalton. as the others ex- 
eunt; s.'e!u(j ]>. sl.irl^ 'iai-!.\] !low could you cause her such 
niisci-y? i'o even tiiiiik siie w;is otlier than the purest! To 
drive her out of doors! Oil, liard of lieart ! Her tears, her 
prayr--, no more touched you, tlian if you had Ixmmi stone! 
J^'ather— farhei-! o-i)od l)ye!! [ijets to r.,^ turns i^nirkhj to Z>., 
kneels over him. kisses him, ris.is, business (imnlinu until at h,, ,?(Z 
E.] Farewell! [exit u., iM n.] 

Dalton is disturbe:!, hut not wakeneil; as if he were dreaming 
Al ice'' s farewell. 

Enter l. 2d E. Ah Ltoaj, an'l R. Ist k. O^Lmnj, hurriedhj ; tlieij 
mei't R. c, front. 

O'L. [lint of breath.] Ah La)if?, ine bov, God presarve us! 
[takes of hat ; luuidkerciiief to loipe face and fans himself.] 

Ah L. fhdr? You catchee some DcMinis Kearny, hoodlum ? 

O'L. \i)Ldian.ant.\ Dennis Keiray? [j)i(ts Iia.t on with a smaij- 
(icr.] I'm a Dinuis meseif, a hoodinm of tiie eaily growth! 
What! Do ye tliink, fur wan minute, that I'd pump me breath 
and batter me legs for all the hoodlums in San Francisco? 
Me? [takes star/e l., belli'ierent, sarcastic] O, ah ! I'-il like to 
see 'um. [li'fis.] Iloorroo! 

Ah L. [i>ni'lry.,jnr jiiniij.] Hoollee, hoollee, lioo! 

O'L. [Iniils at All L. in surprise; burlesques him.] Hoollee, 
hoo! [hands in his pockets, straddles his leijs.] See here ! old 
twoo bittee catchee lookee no likce! What do ye mane by 
this aspersion, cast on me m:irtial honor? 

Ah L. Me no siba. You comee in say God damn us. [bur- 
lesque pttntimj.] Alia puttee, blowee ; [wipes forehead.] You 
s\vett<'e swertee. till he runeedown you legee; me saba some 
hoodlum Joliu kicUee you — k-lah! [siniliiaj, sarcastic] 

O'L. Kick me, is it? Mister Ah Lang are ye aware of a 
iiiver dying pi-incii)le of that hayro, Diunis Kearny, which 
he tacdies to all his iioodlums? 

Au L. ^le no catchee catcliee him. 

O'L. Ye don't catchee catcliee him? Hum! Well, I'll 
inform ye so ye'U nor, toi-get it. Every true, bred in the bone 
lioodluni, alwavs picks his man ; lie always knows the man 
he can kick, (kicks Ah L.] 

Ah L. [stiff legged jump, arms and fingers spread.] K-lali ! 

O'L. repeats kick and saijs each time, "pick yer man" ; All L. 
at each kick hollers, "k-lali"; gets tn l. 1st e. 

Ah L. You wife comee, comee ! [goes r. to c. up,] 

O'L. My wife! [wilts.] 

Ah L. Now, you man, pickee — k-lah ! 

O'L. [c] Save me, Ah Lang! Hide me from that 

best of wives. 

Ah L. You pickee, pickee you man ! [at l. '2d e.] You 



26 

Dinnis Koaniy, lioodluin Joliii y You b'long fluss class flaucl 
— ki-vali ! [exit.] 

O'ii. [gronns.] I f.'ol mo baclv .'.cirm now. Wliere'll I cou- 
sayl inesi'U"? [inmcution ] Jayniiis of tlie O'Leary's in- 
spire nu'! I woinler liDW iniicli time I liavi?? Sln'-ran't be 
near or IM beslialciii in my !)oi»rs. But who's atVaiil ? [thumps 
his chciit; struts.] I'll rai'e me livid liii_ijer of scorn at lier and 
say — [lookiiuioffL. 1st k.] Mur.ier: H.ii-e slie's eomiii' 'I'ound 
the coi-ner will that bm-k poliia-man. if it wasn't for him, 
I'd scorn to iiide; but — [turns ri^jht and seen center idol.] 1 have 
it! I'll take tiiat obi havthen's place. 

Fit fuUitunng business to next spaeoh ; (joes to center idol, takes 
umbrella which idol is holdiw/ spread over its head, closes it ; plac- 
es bii throne ; takes off its hat, shoes and blouse, puts them on ; is 
about to pull off its pants, but stop<, winks, lifts idol, and carries 
it Imlitiiii III ■ :,.':!r.<tiil, where he makes that chanije, also the mous- 
tiirh'-. I'll I I'-i^i : hiires idol bald poted. 

Sbi- s,i\ s i'ui hiT blol; 1 wonder how she'll like uie as a 
wooden man. Sjlie's always talkin*; about herinfern.il pla- 
tonic love — on principle. Old two bittee catchee catchee 
ye'll not have the rnmatics in yei- legs, I'll go bail, [behind 
pelestal ] VW like Mrs. U'Le.-iry to see ye now, she's fond of 
higli art. A Bosron wo. nan can stand more nna b)rned liigii 
art than forty boys in SAim nin on a botsnmm;'r's day. Now 
you no catchee catc.iee c )11. 8ol.jn two bitcee bittee Joim. 
[comas from behind.] — K-la!i ! 

Seats himself on idof s throne or chair ; holds umbrella as a 
sceptre. 

Come on, Mrs. O'Leari", forty thousand cintiirles are luk- 
in down upon ye. 

Enter l. 1st E., Mrs. 0'L".arij, folloioed by policeman McCor- 
mick ; he stops at l. , sh/. t> c. fr>nt ; h; with hands behind his back, 
leys apart, facing front, an indifferent, self satisfied poise. 

Mrs. O'L. [slowly tuminj, swapiny ijesture with her umbrel- 
la.] Behold we are in tlie vanity ii'alls of Confucius! and 
this— [(/oes to left of idol, points at it with umbrella; speak imi to 
McC] and this is he! 

O'L visibly affected. 

[to O'L.] Oil thou image of tlie'uiigiity deatl I conjure thee 
come forth ! He bee Is me not. 

O'L winks with right eye. 

[She turns and sees Dalian.] Ah, whom have we here; Bless 
me! it's Mr. Dalton. [tries to wd'cen hiin; lakes cup from table 
smalls it.] Opium! Mi-. Police. nan, I aai under the strong 
impression that here is a c.ise for your ollijial interference. 

Mc C. to divan, examines him. C/L. rises and cranes to see D.; 
surprised. 

There is quite sumcient e.-id.uice here that he has been foul- 
ly dealt with. 

McC. Driiiik. 

O'L. [has resumei his se.at.] Ye lie ! 

Mrs. O'L and Met', start. 

McC. [to Mrs. O'L.] Did ye call me a liar? 

Mrs. O'L. Me? No, sir! 

Mc C. [goes to right of pedestal, within reach of O'Vs umhrel- 



27 

;-f: hni'k to hhn.\ Ye did'iit? Well I'll t;\k5 me mortail oath 
yeili.i: 

Mits. O'L. [Innis from hi)ii.] Sir [ scorn your aspersions 
oil my cliaraetiM- Cor veratiioiis statemiMirs. 

0''L. hits Mc C. with uinhrclla. 

Mc *'. [to her, sarcastiooJlij , shakinj his head.] And d'ye 
tliink I'll stand that? 

Mu-i.OTj [bridles up to him ] Stand what, sir? Stand 
wliai? i iK'Vt'r yet have been f'ri<5hlened by a in lie man and 
yon shall not be the lirst om^; yon two livv-^ed ancliropoph- 
aii,'! ! [business toith fan, or flourishes umbrella.] 

Ale C. [with raije.] Slie ealls me a i>;iiy,— a pop <^ny I 

Their backs are to O'L, and he hits them both. Mrs. CL.and 
Mc, C. go front quarrellimj. O'L. gets idol quickly, places it on 
throne; puts the Chinese hat, which he has worn, on idoVs head, 
and ,u!}iiri:1hi in, its hand. Goes front. 

Ill /,'"'.< r'liii'je O'L. hides the idol as much as possible from au- 
difiir ', (HI ! /r'l.'n, going front goes d'>tvn center; this is to save the 
effect on his ixiint, when he shows idol. 

Mc (J. Ye strufk me agin. 

Mrs. O'L. 1 diil nor, sir; yon assaulted me with your club, 
you villaiii! and I will proseunce yon. 

Mc C. if it was'nt Ihat ye have hired me to arrest yer 
craviure ov a husband, I'd run ye in to the tirs-t police sta- 
tion, so I wud. I'm tlie laddy biick kin do it too. 

Mks. O'L. Yon would eautate a ditic^reut tune, before you 
had pei'ii^rinate-l many roods on so rou_4h a journey, yon 
recta n.i>"u la r parallelo.^ram I 

Mc (J. Ye're an old cat! 

Mus. O'L. You are a debased curvelar appendage to a 
porciue quadrni)ed I 

Mo (;. Ye're a scra.tchin onld sjie divil! 

Mrs. O'L. Yon are a polieeiiian ! 

[This di'ilogue mnst be lengthenel, if necessary, to give 
O'L. time to get there,] 

O'L. [bdUndthem, and in his own voice.] And divil a lie in 
it! 

Thet/ both start aside, turn, and see O'L. 

McC. Wliat's that? 

O'L. Me no saba ; me only two bittee bittee Solon Jolin 
w.asliee washee man--k-lali ! 

Mrs. O'L. Tlieu you are a follower of Confucius, a habi- 
tant of these halls of heathenisli worship, and perhaps can 
inform ns concerning certain strange sounds, ami mutative 
knocks, or blows, a Iministei-ed unto us but now? The said 
sounds and knocks we were in dispute about just before your 
appearance, each accusi.ig llie otiier of the afoi'esaid frapa- 
tit»i). 

O'L. [aside.] I woiider how long her jaws will Stand tiiat 
Pol N-eeman some lioodlnm bittee you littee bye me bye- 
heh ? 

McC. Yiss, and I'd like to know who it was, so I wud. 

O'L. Mc saba who b'longs bittee you. 

McC. Yon know? Wliowasit? 

O'L. [points to Jlrs. O'L.] She hittce you. 



28 



Mns. O'L. Me? [indiiiiKitinn.] 

O'L. " Me see you liittee him wid iiinbrellee, whaelvee bang 
baiiijpe — k-lali ! 

Mrs. O'L. Wliat a dosradeil race, these ehinese arc; they 
certainly luii-t go. 

McC. " [rage.] I knew it! I knew it! 0-ah ! cud I only 
arii-t her ! 

O'L. She liookee hookee too. 

Mks. O'L. Wiiaf:' wiiaf? i steal ? 

O'L. E-ss; you stealee stealee clo'es from chineeman's 
Joss— Lookee ! 

O'L. stt'p)< back, shoics idol. McC ohficri-ea it; s^trprise. O'L. 
goes to pedestal, and, with left hand, catcher idol b>i nape of neck 
and drac/s it front, JIrs.O\L. screams, liasiness for all three. 

O'L. [sorroirful.] You poleeeenian see, me Joss no hahb'C 
piijgee tail on iiim liead; noi)anlee on him h'^ee. Mr so sol- 
lee.' [hiKjs idol.] Oh, ho! me el y — oh, ho! ih' i)oor bare leg- 
ged gossoon. 

Mks. O'L. [qnickh/.] What were those last words? Did 
you say gossoon ? 

O'L. Ess, me sav you go soon to pelecee house — k-lah ! 

McC. And I'll tiike ye thare. 

Mks. O'L. Arrest me? 

O'L. Ess, an' you takee you man wid yon. 

O'Leari/ puts idol in her arms ; she holds it in bewilderment. 
Now you eatehee cateehee some Plate-on-nee idol Joss nnin. 
You poleeeeman takee her to locdv'uin up~k-lah ! 

McC. advances to lay hold nf Mrs. O'L. ; she. throws idol at him; 
he catches it and throwns it to O'L. ; he same, and throu-s it on to 
Dalton, who is awakened. Mrs. O'L. screams, and is jmrsued by 
McC. as she runs, and mo^mts pedestal. 

Mrs. O'L. You may kill me, but you shall not arrest me! 
not wliile my name is Amelia Jane O'Leary ! 

Fiijlits McC. off with her innhn-lla; he flourishincj revolver, it is 
discJianjcd. Enter chinamen fr<,)n i:. and K. 

O'L. Hehouldee ! me elnntleemen ! see, lookee ! you John- 
nee ehi-nee-men ! yer idol Joss eatehee eatehee hell ! [chinti- 
men yell.] Yer •,i\terii-[china7nenyell.]-h:\\e bin trampled in the 
dust! [they yell. O'L. aside.] Murder! I gave meself dead a- 
way in me native tongue. 

Chinamen yrUimj ninkc a rush for Mrs. O'L. ;she is hauled off 
pedestal, and sci.-id hy McC. 

McC. Now I have ye! 

Mrs. O'L. Yon monster! [bites at his hand.] I'll not move 
one inch on my pedal extremities — on principle! 

McC. Thin", by the Rock o' Cashel! I'll carry ye and yer 
extrimitees both ! 

McC. picks her up; she struc/gles; chinamen yell and assist; O'L. 
pulls off his Chinese loig, showing bald head, holding it by tail 
loaves' it, and encourages McC. 

O'L. Go it ould nut cracker! Yankey grit agin Irish 
pluck, forever! Hurroo! huiroo! 

McC. carries Mrs. O'L. off , followed by chinamen, all.. 1st E. 
As they exeunt, Dalton sits up, rousing from stupor, bewildered. 

O'L. Seeing D, rousing, hastily replaces Chinese wig; goes r., 



29 

and front ; at same time enter, hurriedly, Alice. Mrs. D., Lt. M., 
Ah L., and the Judge, \i. 2nd ^.; Alice in advance, the others at 
entrance. 

D. Wliere am r? Alice gone? [r/'.ves,] 

A. Fiitiu'r! 1 am iK-re!" 

D. Daiigliter, I have liad such a friglitfiil dream ! So real, 
so life like, lliat 1 believed you iiad" deserted me. I saw 
your mother staudiug tiiere, "[y^o<'«^<'H;/_/VoMf.] pieadiuir with 
lier devilisli tongue tlie story of her wrongs; slie claimed you 
as her own; she'ijlaced a flimsy tal'e against my years of love 
and devotion. And — oh lioirorsi — slie couviiiced you— you 
my owu, my (hniing. Your sweet iuuoient soul clung to me, 
but at la>t the devil triumphed, and I seemeii to hear you 
say, fainter ami fainter, — ''father — father -good bye — dear 
father— farewell". And then ! you had left me! 

A. But father I have come back with mother. Take us— 
take us both, to your arms! 

Mks. D. [advances.] Husband. 

D. A-a-ah ! [with an indraivn breath.] Then the dreaui was 
true! 

A. Oh father! take us, we both will love you. 

JMks. D. Howard, listen to our child— hear me! 

D. Tiiattiuie is past! Gn Alice, and may you forget that 
she soiled my honoi-, took from me the peace ot a virtuous 
home,! hat now she robs me of ni}' last hope in all this wide, 
wide world, and 1 stand alone! 

A. Slothei- 1 cannot forsake him — father! [in Dalton''s 
arms : 

Mrs. D., steps towards Alice ; entreatiwj gesture ; overcome in 
Lt. J/'s arms. 

0''L., and Ah L., hareheen at r; Ah L., has tried to make 0L\, 
listen to him ; O'L., shakes his head ; at same timewith Mrs. D's., 
business. Ah L., p<intomi)ies toifL,, that he knows him, and CL,, 
turns flercehj on Ah L.y seizes him by throat, and places hand over 
Ah Vs., mouth. 

CURTAIN. 



ACT III 

SCENE. — Mining camp in Black Hills; full stage; back ground of 
rocks, rising one above the other, practicable for descent, also 
set with a run from r. above, across and down, to l. stage; a 
flume from l. ton., running on tressels above cabin, disappear- 
ing, or ending with water display; cabins k., and i.., at 2nd 
a.nd 3rd grooves, one at right has sign, ''^Laundry, Mrs. Pro- 
fessor 0''Leary Presiding Officer.''^; one on left with sign, 
'■'chineeman icashee hoss makee wash fi'' dolah ah lang he 
makee him do'"; apracticable rock at center, on line of 3rd 
grooves; pine log at its base; chips, and axe; wash tub on stool 
in front of cabin at R.; table front of one at l.; large pot sus- 
pended from a tripod over a fire at r. 
Discover Ah Lang ironing at table; Mrs. 0''Leary at wash tub 

washing; 0''Leary asleep on rock. 



30 



Mrs. O'Leary sinjs. Atr—"'Sw?Mhye-and-hye.'' 
Thf ro's a l.iiul tliat is niiror tliaii dsiy, 

And by faitli we shall see ii, afai-, 
For the father waits over tlie way, 
To prepare us a dwelling plaee there. 

Chorus : 
Mrs. O'L. In the Sweet 1»\ e-aud-hye,^ 
Ah. L. In lee sleet byee bye, \ 

We shall meet on that l^'autifnl shore;) 
Me b'long low lat bluteedo slio; \ 

Ah L. siiKjs. 
Me sal slino-ee lat blnteeflo slio, 

Lee nielodeelns songee lee bles, 

An' low pee-lee sal c-ly ely no nio, 

No si-yee flo lee bles-ee lo les. 

Repeat chorus. 
(fLeury sinys with the broadest broyue. 
Ooli ! bow happy [ am that I'm wed, 

To ii woman whaiivor she "joes. 
Has the braynes in the top iiv her bed. 
An' the specs on the bridge uv her nose, 
ilfrs. 0''L. surprised. 

Chorus ; CL. and Ah L., same as before. 
In tbe swate bye ami bye, 

Oh ! 'tis thare she will give me a lest. 
In the swate bye and hye, 

Wid tbe specs on the bridge of her nose. 

Ah L. suppressed Lauyhter ; n kind of yiyyle and tee-hee. 

Mus. O'L. Mr. Arthur O'Leary, will yon be kind enough 
to lise from your recumbent attiluile and repeat the words 
of that verse." 

O'L. [sits Up.] Wid pleasure. I'm glad me varsification 
has attracted yer attention. [si)t.ys or recites.] 
"Och! how happy, &c." 

Mus. O'L. [indiynani.] What is the meaning of sncdi pro- 
fanity? 

O'L. It's no profanity; only me appreci-ay-tion of yer 
mint(d capieity, mu] the persipe-cu-ity of yer si)ectacies. 
[aside.] Tliim words ai'e big enough foi- her anyhow. 

Mus. O'L. Your intentioii may have been conii)limentary, 
but your form of expression is by "no means retined, and n)ore, 
it laeks point. Now, to give yon a lesson in pointed remarks, 
listen to me: Mr. O'Leary, elevate the jjcri meter of the base 
of your vertebrate column from oil" that congionu'i-ate mass 
and suspend the hempen linear household im jdement of aer- 
ialion and you will be a living example of industrial employ- 
ment. 

O'L. Which? Say it agin, and say it aisy. 

JIus. O'L. Arise, and suspend the hempen linear house- 
hold implement of aeriatioii. 

O'L. Cud ye translate it? 



Ah L. She say yon cntcliee too mucliee sit down on _vou 
paiit;il()on<. allce same. Ki-vali ! 

O'L. Mi>t(TAh L;m-, if' ye add yer claek. Til cateliee 
eatLdiee too imicliee sit down on t!ie top of yor head, all 
tlie same. 

JMks. O'L. [wiinlunii at tub.] Tliis oontrov<>rsial cd.-ishing 
is of no avail, cease it! And do yon, Artiuir, proceed to sus- 
pend the liempen linear 

O'L. [^(/i'<'.s ahort clay pipe from his vest pocket, and lirjhts 
it.] Till' hempen liner is it? Oh, I'm a boss at that, [suck- 
imi pipe; elhow on knee:, legs crossed.] Just show it to me, and 
See how I'll taekle the hemi)en business. Luk out for me 
whin 1 o-et startt-d at it. 

Mhs. 0'r>. Are you goino- to hanj^ that clothes line or not? 

OT.. Oho! It's the (doihes line'is it? Well I niver. [m- 
es, tjfuons.] A-a-h-aw;i ! This hard work is breaking the 
heart of me, an;l me back too. 

Enter L., McCormiek:, seeimj him, (fL. sits. 

Is it yo\i McCormiek? We war just talkin of ye. Mrs., 
O'Leiry was say in that of all the young men ot her acquaint- 
ance ye cud bate the Jews iianging a clotiies line. I tliot it 
migiity quare, knowin ye to 1)0 a single man. 

McC. 1 can do auytlii^ig f(n- v.isses O'Lary. 

O'L. <Jiiu ye now? Supposin ye try yer hand. There's 
the line. [McO. gets rope at cabin door.] We do be.hangin 
it back there from thatoiild pine tree to the leg of the flume. 
[pointing to u. and c] 

McC. {putting up line.) Mister O'Leary yer mighty handy 
at di'scribing how to do this job. 

O'L. yi<; I always had a sort of a gift that way. 

McO. True for ye; yer like a peddler's hai-se. 

Mks. O'L. Like'a peddler's horse? This may be some great 
fact in natural iiistoi-y ; but how can he be like a peddler's 
horse? 

O'L. I know, I've lots of head anil no tail. 

Ah L. My sil)a;he no can talkee talkee— k-lah ! 

O'L. Yis; I have the vartue uv silence; and ye're a dis- 
eriiunii-nay-rin young man, Ali Lang;if ye live hnig enough 
ye'll outgrow yer i)ig tail, may be. 

Miis. O'L. But, Mr. Mc 'ormick, will you please expound 
to us your reason, why Mr. O'Leary is like unto a wan- 
dei-ing peddler's quadruped? 

Mci'. Well; ye see, ma'm, he has more go in his tongue 
than in his legs. 

Ah L. tiiqtfiressed laughter. 

I^Irs. O'L. Ah ! but I dont comprehend. 

O'L. Mae; that's a good joke. E.Kplaiu it, and may be 
we'll all laugh. 

Mc('. Dont ye see, ma'm; tongue floppin — legs kinder 
quiet like; tongue— legs — dont ye see? 

Mrs. O'L. Yes, 1 see, he has legs, but— ah— I don't cotn- 
preliend tlie analogy. 

O'L. [laughing.] ' Yer like the nnm wlio forgot to take oft" 
his hat. 



32 

McC. \nn(jry.] Yer like a monkey wi^l a rasiir. 

O'L. Ye have a lied on ye. like "the Maniinotli Cave. 

McC. Yer toii<iiie's the bijiii^t part tiv yei- hody. 

O'L. Ye'ie first eoiusiii to a red hot fryiii pan. 

McC. Ye'ie an anna — may— ted elotlies pin. 

OT.. Mis. O'I.eary ; can ye tell me why Mister McCormick 
is like Samson's wepen uv .wiir ? 

JIijs. O'lv. Do you mean the Biblical champion against the 
Philistin.-sV 

O'L. Yis. 

]\Ius. O'L. I cannot comi)ass tiie riddle. Why is he like 
thai. i;reat hero's offensive \v«'apony 

O'i.. Bec.iuse, he's all jaw. 

McC. All jaw am I y May be ye'd like to try the weight 
uv me fist? 

O'L. Indai1e,rm yer man ! 

McC, K., O'Z. 1,.; sereml i/anJs (ipfrrt;hnsinesii of ^^ chicken fight- 
i7uf\ spit oil hamh. slap tham together, leap and crack their heels, 
hit stage with the hand, &c. 

Ah L. Ki-yil Ili-;lieenian, allee same Melican hoodlums, 
he lioopee hoojjce no Hghtee Hglitee — ki-yah ! 
O'L. and McC. business. 

Mrs. O'L. I command ilie peace unto you both ! 

Same business for WL. and McC, not getting an;/ nearer to each 
other, then work nmnd to O'L. u., McC. l. 

Mi:s. ()'Ij. ^Ir. O'Leary; in the name of the law 1 com- 
mand you I 

Seizes O'L. b{/ vest, behind, pulls; he and McC. same business; 
Ah L. gets flat iron. 

Mks. O'L. I must resort to violence. 

She pulls him back to tub, squdts him in it; sits on him. 

Mrs. O'L. I am master of the situation I 

An L. [burns McC. loith iron on seat of pants.] May be 3'ou 
no habbee some couceelee weepen, now — hehV 

McC. circles the stage, stif legged; Ah L. hides under table. 

McC. I'm kilt entirely ! 

Au L. You p:iutee blnn, may be you no can sitteedown — 
ki-laii ! [e.rit into cabin, i..] 

Mrs. O'L. [lifts CL. to his feet.] Y.ntQV Wif. domicil, and 
dry your pants. 

O'L. \wtoebego)ie.] Yis ma'm, my courage is cooled, [turns, 
and thus shows Ids wet seat; straddles off into cabin u.] 

McC. Mine's burnt out uv me. [same business.] 

Mhs. O'L. Mr. McCormick where do your injuries lie? 

McC. Lie? There's divil a lie in it; begorra, it's stern 
reality, [same business.] 

Mrs. O'L. Ah ! but I do not see. 

IMcC. Nor me neitiier, [aside.] How the devil did it hap- 
pen? 1 woiidei- did O'Leary kick me? If be ilid, he carries 
lighteuiiig in the hobs of his brogans. [Sees flat iron on table ; 
tries it ; drops it;] Bcgorral it was Ah liaiig! By the liowly 
pokers! I'll rise the boys and end Chinese cheap labor in 
this camp! [goes up and left.] 

Mrs. O'L. Mr. Mc( orinick! 

McC. [sto2)s.] Ma'm ? 



33 



Mrs. O'L. Why flo you Imsteii ? 

McC. [comes hack.] AVoll — I — 1 don't know that I'm in 
any Imrry. [aside] Mnsha, niilliadioul ! How it hurls! 

Mus. O'L. I'ray sit down, [offurs Jiha stnal.] 

jNIcC. [(tsidc] Can I sit down foi- a uiontii? [nuc.asi/ from one 
foot- to the other.] Misses OT.ary, I'd scorn to sit down inyer 
pii-;ence. I'd rather stand, it's a habit of mine. 

Mks. O'L. All ! yes; but wliat a strani^e habit tliat is. 

McC. [uneasy laiujli ] Oil ko! not at all, it's natural to me, 
I s>it it on me l.'itin'r's side. 

"Mis. O'L, Indeed! 

McC. Ah ! [siijhs.] :S[rs- 0"Lni-y ! I Iiave bin hnrted worse 
nor any fi^i'litin, kiekin, divihnint, an tlivarsliin kin do me. 
[suihs.] 

Mrs, O'L, Poor man ! 

iSIcC. Mrs- O'Lary, [si<ihs.] I am hurted. 

]\Ins. O'L. Is it severe':' 

McC. I have it bad [sinhs.] 

^Iks. O'L. Is it rbeuiiiatieal in its tendencies? 

Mo(;. N-o-o! [shihs.] 

Mhs, O'L. Is it sliootinj; pains? 

[si(jhs.] It shutes me it it wud shiite some body else. \e.r,ag- 
(jertited sujh.] A-a-aii ! 

Mrs. O'L, Alas! yon must feel it deeply. 

McC, It's— in — inside uv me! 

MhS. O'L. Be frank wiiii me; tell me if, as I partially 
guess, you suffer in yonr feelinjis. Confide in me, for have 
yon not befriended me ever since that awful scene in the 
Ciiinese clinrcli? Have you not tried in a tliiMisand ways to 
repair tile terrilde mistake you made in an-esting me? 

McC, That's it, I tiiot I was lakin ye, but I got Luck me- 
self. 

O'i, appears at cabin door. 

M«s, O'L, I have long since forgiven yon. Have I not 
accepted, at your hands, many favors, administered so gent- 
ly, dining our long and dangerous journey from San Fran- 
cisco to these golden Black ilills, this Elderado of Wyoming 
Territory? 

McC. Yis; more ])ower to ye! 

Mus. O'L. Have we not passed through flood and fire? 

McC. '\Ve have. 

Mks, O'L, Have we not repulsed the savage foe? 

McC. Wediu, 

Mrs. O'L. Have you not intervened between me and death 
your Apollo like fo'rm? 

McC. That's it ; me forum ; are ye gone on me shape? 

Mrs. O'L. Pardon me, your langtiage is obscure, and 
yonr gramnuitical constuclit»n inaecnrate; I did not gone, I 
came. 

McC. I dont care a rap Cur the gray-inat-tical part uv it, 
but it is the fact that's tmulilin me. 

Mhs. O'L, What fact? 

McC. The pain I have, ever since I ai'iisted ye. 

Mks. O'L. But 1 have forgiven you, long ago. 

McC. That only helps it along. 



34 



Mrs. O'L. Wliy, wliiit. can it bo? 

McC. [embarassmnHt, makes ei/es at her, sighs.] Cant j^e 
gllf ss ? 

Mrs. O'L. [turns aionij-^ snfth/.] No. 

McC. Shall I tell ye? 

Mrs. O'L. Yes. 

McC I love ye! 

She //ires little jump, n small jerk >i scream, exclimntion. 
Thare it's out uvine! [takes stu(je.] Yis, Misses O'Lary, I 
love ye, nn I cant help inesein 

Mrs. O'L. [aside.] This is a new ?eiisatiou. ItofftH'ts my 
entire ciitiele. But I must be firm. You fui-get that 1 am 
married. 

McC. How cud I forgi^t it, si'ciii such a woman, wid such 
a forum, such eyes and hair, and teeth, and edicatioii, and feet 
and hands, the purtiest 1 ever seen. 

Mrs. O'L. [lowers her spectacL-s, ainl litrtis, looks at Iiim over 
them.] But you never had a fair view of my eyes. 

McC. 1 liave, and they are the purtiest in tiie world. [/)i<«s 
arm round her waist.] It's fine news 1 rcs:ived from Fiisco by 
the last mail. I've been opeiaiin in slocks, and I'm worth a 
million. 

Mrs. O'L. A million d.dlars? 

Mc'J. Yis, an more That's notliin, in (/alifornia the 
most nv thim are like me. If ye'll have me, we'll go to 
Frisco and be big- bugs of the aristociacy. 
O'Z. exit into cabin, L. 

Mrs. O'L. How can I? 

McC. The asiest thing in life, darling. Yo see we are in 
Wyoming Teriitory now, in the Black Hills; the women 
vote here, and are elected to ofHce. Ye can git a divorce in 
these parts quicker ancl asier than in Chicago. 

Mrs. O'li. But how can I get a divoice? On what ground? 

Mc(J. Orounil, the rayson ye mane? Why, cruilty to 
dumb animals to be sure. 

Mrs. O'L. Mr. McCormick am I a dumb animal? [frees 
herself from his arm.] 

McC. Bother I no; O'Lary is the baste. 

Mrs. 0'[.. But— but— ah-^ 

McC. There's no but's about it— heh— darling? [puts arm 
round her.] 

Mrs. O'L. [siyhs.] You are so argumentative, 

McC. Am L:* [leerinj at h.;r.] Y.; Ii'iv'ut heard me i)lau yit. 
There's no time to lose, that blayguard OT.ary will be b;ick, 
and thin I cant tell ye. 

Mrs. O'L. 1 lisieii intently. 

McC. Well ye see; there's to be an election to-day fur 
justice of tlie peace, and 1 have it set up to nominate ve on 
the demicraytic ticket. 

Mrs. O. L. But I'm a republican. 

McC. So is your own countryman Bin Butler, and didn't 
he run on the dimecratic worken man's ticket? Ye're more 
uv a dimecratic worken mm than he is. Cant ye straddle a 
fence as well as him ? 

Mrs. O. L. Me, straddle a fence? 



McO. Yis, nnd lep it too, fur the mattei- uv that. 

Mks. O'Iv. 1 :im ill a iiia/i- of hewihlcniiciit. 

]\fc('. I'll hav(^ ve iinmiiiattMl aftei- tlie compliiiient- 
ary hnllois. We iiiiist have the ooiDps ye know, fur tiie byes 
to iii.ikc tliimsclves solid fur liiiiiks. 

Mi{s. O. I.. [hcwildemL] Solid for driuks. 

McC. Yi-; I.ut we're i)otlieiin. Ye'll he elected, sure ; 
fur there's only tliirteeu republieaiis agiuour nine diuiicrats 
in this eaiup. 

Mks. O'L. But that's a uiajority. 

McC, \ot a worken one. We have only five uv thein to 
leetioneer; two is diitrh. and they'll vote wid us on aueouut 
uv tile liquor Inv ; two is Pikers, and we kin hus' them, and 
the others a uay-jiur and he has to vote wid us under the 
ei<>'hteenth coiistitootioual aineudinent. 

iMus. U'r>. I was not aware of the eiirhteenth ainendiuent. 

McC. It's one we niaile ou.-silves; deuiieratic or no vote. 

Mks. O'L. But this is a free 

3IcC. Hould on ; yer not on the stump now, oratiii. 

Mrs O'L. But about the plan for tiie divorce. 

IMcC. I'm eoiiiin to it. Now ye see after ye're elected this 
very day I'll i!.it (J'Lary drunk as blazes, pick a quarrel 
wid him, oi- sometiiin. ' We'll arrist him, and briuij him be- 
fore ye, fui' felony. Ye can try liim, tiiul him ;i;uilt>, siu- 
tiiice him to the pinitentiary, pro(;laim yer divorce, and 
marry me widout lavin the binch. 

O'L. appears at tha cabin door with a ynti, and other ivit<e armed, 
pistol, s('-itrd, etc, etc. 

Mks. O'L. The plan seems hasty, yet leasable. 

McC, Just as asy me ilear as driiikin, and thin ye'll be 
mine, me chickie biddy; nnd we're off fur Frisco to" foot it 
wid the best uv tliim in ourcoa<li and four. 

Business duriinj next speech: 0''L. advances pointing ijitn at 
McC Mrs. 0'' L. does not see CfL., McC. does, throws up his 
hands, and backs, lohen near l, u. e, turns and exit quicklj/, 

Mks O'L. Yes, hubby, my own, my sweet Apollo, I take 
in the entire situation perfectly, 1 love you, sueet; ami tlie 
moi-e freely knowinj; how soon I shall be rid of that odious, 
red haired, bantly legged O'Leary, 

O'L. has taken MeCs. place. 

O'L, [qaietb/.] Did yon call me, me dear? 

Mrs. O'L, [aside.] Mr, O'Leary! 

O'L, [more forciblii.] Wor j'e talkiu to me, Ameelia? 

;Mks, O'L, [aside^] What is my woman's wit, if it dont 
save me now ? 

O'L, [londer]. Did ye say anythin Mrs, O'Lary? 

Mrs, O'li. [<(.s7VZe.] There is only one thing to do; a wo- 
man's tactics always is to carr}' the war into Africa; offen- 
sive not defensive." 

O'L. [nerti loud andpereinptorii tone.] Amelia Jane O'Lary, 
wife of Arthur ("oruaylius O'Lary, wor you spakin to me? 

Mrs. O'L. [tui-ning on him.] JSirl 

O'L. starts backiccird , weakens, 

O'L. [a mixed tone of fear and braggadocio.] I want to know 
ma'iii, if you were talkin of me, to me, atuie, about me, from 



nio, or !i11 arouinl me, inst now? Me, yer hii^^bniid? Dirl 
ye insiiuiMte, directly or indirectly, with your linrsh, yet 
a little sweet voice, that I— I hud i-ed hair? Did ye, 1 say, 
ill the name of your niarriajxe vows, given unto nie at the al- 
ter, before a. justice of tlie ]ieace, with the clerk askino; two 
bits for the license; did you there, I mean now, say, 1 had 
baiidv leiis? 

Mhs, (TL. Mr. Arthur O'Leary I diii say so, and I repeat 
it as uiy oi)iiiion that if a pluuih were to be applied to your 
j)ed(>uieters tlu-v would be found very much out of their i)er- 
pendicular. Your pants hide much from llie eyes of the 
world but norhiu>r from me. 

O'L [huHasquediiinitt/ 1 Let the leji'S pass, they are not the 
question uv the hour, I arraijiii ye. ma'm, on a higher in- 
dictment, and ye'll plase not make eyes :it the jury. 

Mks. O'L. "Contine yourself to tlie subject matter, talk 
plainly, and do not till your immense mouih with lar>re words; 
sj)eak loudly, also, so that I shall he sure to heai- you. 

0'L_ Ye want it plain, do ye? Well then, t<'ll me, did'nt 
I see "that flannel mouthed mick makin hive to\c? Yis, 
and, be hevens, ye wor siud<iii it in like buther milk, 
just as if ve woi- ecjiicated at Paris or Cincinnati. 

Mrs. O'L. If I remember correctly, I believe Mr. McCor-" 
niicdv did say some very nice things to im;. 

O'L. [m'rcasticlij.] Oh, he did, did he; that is if you re- 
member? 

Mus. O'L. He said some thing or other about wanting to 
marry me. 

O'L. [.sdvie.] Oh! ho! He wanteil to make a faymale 
Brisiham Young of je — on principle I suppose. 

Mus. O'L. My principles are my own, if you please. 

O'L. Yis, and mighty qiiare ones tliey are too. The next 
tiling, I should'nt wonder to see ^'e ridin an elephant strad- 
dle fashion — on principle. 

jVIhs. O'L. You may. 

O'L. [takes stage dlstjusU^d.] Divilfearye! But see liere, 
do ye think I'm goin to stand this? 

Mks. O'L. In'the vernacular of the oi polai, what are you 
going to do about it? 

O'L. Ma'm yer cool naughtiness shocks me — I'm aslnnned 
of \(t— [turns away.] Ye make me bluali — oh ! tie, tie, Amelia 
Jane! It's like a Frim-h play. 

Mks. O'L. It's some winit better than the Irish jig you 
have made me dance since our marriage. How many times 
have you deserted me, sir? 

O'L. [sorruu-ful.] It was only the friskine«s of youth; the 
coyness of a Connauglit man's heart, l)ut this passeth all 
forms, all show, it is not seeming madame, it is! and I'll 
make a mos-so-leum of all three of us; turme hearts is in arms 
and only blood kin wash out the oracular proof of me eye- 
sight. Yis, Amelia, all three of us must die, and I shall kill 
nieself first, [puts pistol to temple, muzzle of (jiat. to his month, 
efforts at trigger of gun with his foot. 

Mhs. O'L. T:d<e good aim, or else it will hurt. 

O'L. [removes weapons quickly.] So it will you ; are always 



37 



ri^'it; fiufl to mnkc :i.«sii ranee, rnadaine, rloubls' mire, I'll go 
praetioe on McCoruiirk. [i/nes up and left, drugs i,'ini.] Good 
bye sweetheart, jl-'ooiI bye, farewell,;! lou.o- farewell, fnr wiiin 
I P|)!ike to ye ai>-iii, I'll be a bleediiiu; eorijse. [exit l. u. k.] 

Mus. O'L, Poor O'Leary ! He will nut molest anyone, and 
it will he a valuable lesson to him. He is like all men 
he never eared for me until now. I dont believe, after ail, 1 
want Mr. MeCnrniick and liis dollars. 

Sltit/f (irrtral hcurd outside, roll of'whcah, whip cracking, scrape 
of thy J,r.il;-, &.■., &c. 

[Wiii'ii pr.trt>-a')le thi coach can cross' the stage; or stop and 
Mrs. Ddlton an-l -hidj', alight loith other passengers, crowd 
collecting itc. &c.]' 

The stage has arrived, [looking off l. u. e.] There 
appears to ba several p'i-senj;eivs alighting; a woman 
— easiimere dress — fits nicely — dog skin gloves — neat shoe — a 
lad_y evidently, fresh fi-om 8,in Franeisfo; and altiiouivh my 
mental observations are not nineh given to fasliions, it will 
be intei-esiiiig to ascertain, <lenni;ly. whcliu'r trails are worn 
or short dre-;ses. Tiu!se are umndane things yet interesting. 
I will hie me to welcome this stranger, and ofter th(; liosin- 
talities of my doinicil ; otherwisv^ she will iiave to eanip nn- 
der the bine vaults of heaven, for our young community af- 
fords neither hotel nor hostelrie. 

Enter I., u. K. miming. Ah Lung. 

Ah L. Oh, Missee Laleel You no saba who b'longs on 
Coa(dieek-la!i! 

3Iu.s. O'L. I am not so infoiined. 

AhL. Ki-yah — Missee Daiton an olo foolo Judge. They 
wanteliee see vou cli/k, cTudv— ki-vali ! 

Mks O'L. "Mr*. Dalton, and her father tlie Judge! Re- 
poit has it that she has fallen iieii-ess to an immense fortune. 
Wiiat motive has wafte<l her here? 

Ah L. [i inpatient'^ aside.] Tliis piecee olo foolo woman! 
Why no can hnrrv? 

Mrs. O'L. Ah Lang. Mrs, Dalton is now very rich, is she 
not? 

Ah L. She so lichee bloncho jioney boss no can pullee down 
hilleeon icee alb-e same when he wantchee — k-lai» ! 

Mrs. O'L. I must not phice myself in a position to endure 
her sneers, [takes off wash apron..] You will tlierefore I'eniove 
fi-om sigiit, my household cleiinsing apparatus. 

An L. Hossee hold'nm sallee-buus whii^Iiee wantciiee? 

Miis. O'L. The wash tub, the wash tub! Yon heathen ! 
take it away, take it away I 

All L. [carniinr/ of Inh, j?.] Wiishe(> waslioe tub, whv j'on 
nocan say-k-hih!' [exit ^nid r.-ndns ,inirkl,'.] 

Mrs. O'li. Ah Lang; how is my back hair? [turns; hair is 
frousij and rumpled.] 

Ah L. Bluteetlo— fly no can catchee eactehee him feet on 
it— k-hdi ! 

Mrs. O'L. And my dress? [same.] 

AhL. Fittet^ikce glove. Mi snbee it b'longs silk. 

Mrs. O'L. Then marshal her hilher. 

Exit Ah L. L. u. E. ■■ 



Mrs.O'L. Ah L.i;i.2; miiy be fl:ittei-iiio- me, but I can de- 
pend on mj' intellec-tuiil luiee to ovei-coiiie her wealth— or 
principle. 

Enter -L. v.E. Ah L.f<jllowed hy Mrs. DnlLnn and the Judge, 
the lattf.r loaded with hi'tudles, a blanket ndl sltuuj soldier fashion 
over shoulder, revolvers andbowieknife slauij to him, broad brim- 
med hat, and xoig of Inntj yellow hair. Mrs. O'L. and Mrs. D. 
meet, l. c; fireetings. 

Mrs. D. Mr.-;. O'Lcary, iiow j^Iad I am to lind yon in this 
wihieiiiess. 

Mns. O'L. I welcome yon.madame, to these silvan shades, 
and I felicitate myself, that i can otfer yon shelter from the 
rude storms of tlie mountains :ind i)roteetii)n from the still 
ruder inhabitants of this minin_ii; region. 

Mas. D. Indeed 1 thank you. Will you excuse m(> for 
trespaxsinu- still further on your kiudness? 

Mrs. O'L. You may commaml me to tlie extent of my 
ability, mental or physical. It it is a temperance lecture or a 
discourse on the aihijjtability of our sex, 1 have a manuscript 
in my pocket [produces MSS.] You shall hear it now. 

Ah L. business of impatience and anger. The Judge at rock, sits; 
lights pipe. 

Mrs. D. [hastily.] Paidon me I I shall be deli;^Iited when 
we have more leasnre. 

Mrs. O'L. Oh ! 1 liave plenty of time. [(d>out to read.] 

]\Irs. I). Yes but 

Mrs O'L. It is only iifty paii,es or more; and the i)rinei- 
ples are grand, [same.] 

iMrs. D. I am very sorry but my aft'air is very pressino;. 
I have come all this journey, without rest, to liud my daugh- 
ter Alice, and .Mr. Dilton. Are they here":' 

.AIrs. O'L. Yes; tiu>y are in this camp. They live a short 
distance up the trail there, [points to rock at back.] in a dug 
out? 

Mrs. D. In a dug out? 

TdRS. O'L. A room excavated in the side of a hill. 

Mrs. D. Housed like wild animals! 

Mrs. OTi. Well, it is by no means .-i brown stone front. 
Mr. Dalti'u has not met with exuaordinary good fortune 
since conung to the Mills. He v.orks, |)o»)r man, night and 
day, digging and delving in the bowels of mother earth in 
the hope of retrieving iiis fortune that he may make restitu- 
tion to tliose who were ruined by his (ailiire. That idea 
haunts him, waking and sleeping. 

Mrs. D. And Alice, does she snller? 

Mrs. O'L.' Neither of them want for food, and Alice is her 
father's comfort. Her only sorrow is foi- your absence, and 
that her father is working himself to deatii. But siie keeps 
up a brave and cheerful "lieait ; she is the sunbeam of the 
camp. Indeed the miners and mountaineers iiave given her 
the name of "'^Hss Sunbeam." 

^■^Mrs. I). Tiien it is not so bad as I had supposed, [aside.] 
Thaidv heaven, Howard has not met with good foi-tiine, and 
my hopes of his loifc and respect still rest with my plan, la 
not Alice expecting me? 



Ah L. Ess; she say me this h'lon.2;s wellee happy happy 
day mi mum miimeecan come aliee same coaclifn* this day. 

Mns. I). Xow I am <'ontent.ed hi^eause she l<iio\vs I liave 
Icept my |)i-omlse. Tell me wliere is Lii'iUi^iiaiii Areliityre? 
You iviiow lie left iis suddenly iu San Fraiieisito to join iiis 
commiiid immediatelv. 

Ah ]j lie j>-o widiy (dick to (Tennct! Clonk wantehee 
catelHM'some one iilecee injiu ; no can calchee; bye me bye be 
oatclice some, lie killee allee Injin, an eatee him, eatee lio-^s 
policy, eatee boss miih^ eatee boss bloiicho allee same welly 
goiid, (diow cdiow ! — k-laii. 

Mrs. D. Wbat does All Lani; mean ? 

Mrs. O'L. 'I'hat Gtmeral Cmok and bis soldiers never 
left yiltiiij;- Bull's trail after tlie brave Custer and bis 
(omi-ades were massacred. For several bniidred miles Crook 
doj^-irediy pursued without rations or shelter, sleepiiiij; with 
the skies for a covering-, and horse mi^at for food, until at 
last, i!,-a!lant Custer was partially avengetl at the battle of 
vSlim V.iittes! 

Ah L. Tiilee clieels : hoolelioo I honlehoo ! hoolebool 

Mi!S. 1). I leel like clieering, myself. But where is he 
now y 

Ah L. He eoine to Clook City las uigdit betlo yestee da}'^ 
tlo days ago an Lackee-tire can comee welly soon this day 
see be swcetee heart Alice an takee bim o.ie piecee yungo 
wilee Solon John Cbineeman allee lite Ah Lang — k-lali ! 

IVlHs. 1). Marry Alice? 

JIus. O'L. I am inclined to the oi)inion tiiat, that will be 
tlic pi'ogramme, immediutely on bisiiriival to day. A courier 
came in yesterday, v»itb a dispatch, anuoiiiicing t!ie Lieu- 
tenant's march here, with bis company. We are expecting 
bim each moment of rhe fast lecediii!.': dav. It will be, a gol- 
den wedding- ill these auriferous Black Hills. 

An L. [hiMiihs ] Cluck— cluck— cluck! 

MiiS. O'fi. Heathen! Do you laugli at my remark on the 
golilen wedding and the auriferous fiilisy 

An ]j. You wantcliee catcliee welly goodee joke an me 
laiiuliee; (duck— cluck— cliik ! 

jMhs. O'L. Listen to me, sir! whenever I make a play 
upon wortls, it is not subject for uiirtb, but lor profoumj so- 
lemnity. 

Ah L. pulls a long face. 

Mrs. D. [suppressed laugh; aside.] This is a new idea of 
humor. But, Mrs. O'Leary, tell me al)Out Alice, and Lieuten- 
ant Mclntyre; has Mr. Dalton giv(in his consentV And then 
how could they be niarried hcrei' There is no minister, not 
even a magistrate ! 

^Irs. O'L. I am the expoiiant of the law ! 

Mrs. D. YouV 

Mrs. O'L. At least, I shall be. Before the sun glides over 
you western hill, 1 will be elected a justice of the peace! 
[takes stage with majestic strides.] 

Distant shot heard; all turn; Lt. Mclntijre appears at head of 
trail, R. 



40 



Mrs. O'L. Tliere is LieuLeiiaiit Meliit3're at tlie head of 
the tiiiil now ! 

Alica Dnlttm appears from the hut [or dnrj out.] on the side of j 
mounUnn: about center of flat and on a projecting/ cliff above trail. 

Mus. D, And there is Alice! Slie will fall! Take care 
dauijhter — take care! 

A. \reiU'.d tone, to make voice distant.] Is it you mother? 

Lieutenant Mclnti/re fires another shot to attract attention. 
Alice startled loses footing and falls, disappearing down the can- 
on. Where stage will permit, instead of disappearing, it loill be 
better to show Alice clinging to a projecting hash and slight foot- 
ing. 

Mrs. O. [screams.\ He has killed her ! [falls sobbing into 
Mrs. O'Vs. arms. 

Ah L. runs for the clothes line. Business of tintging difficult 
knot. The .Judge fires his pist(d at int( rruls in the air. 

Lr. M. [has rund')wn. trail to opposite side of canon from hut; 
looking or er.] Great Heavens ! it is Alice! [crosses on trail to 
other side and mounts the cliff where Alice stood; leans over the 
cliff. 

Mrs. D. [struggling to free herself from Mrs. C/L.] Let me 
go to my child ! Let me i>,o! 

Lr. M. Take iieart Mrs. Dalton she is unhurt and clino-- 

in<r to a hiisli on the side of the canon ! A rope ! as you 

valu(> In'r life hrinjj me a roin-! 

Mi.s. 1). [nn her knees.] She lives! Oh uiercifnl Fatlier 
give her streniitli! [/■/.sv.s.] 

Lt. M. [/o j/i L.] The rope! Don't wait to untie it— cut 
it man— damn it — cut the rop?. [to Judge.] Slop tluit tiring, 
you idiot, and help on the rope! 

Ah L. jerks knife out of Judge^s scabbard and begins culti)ig at 
the rope. 

Mrs. D. [to Mrs. O'Z.] Run for assistance — rouse the camp! 
[goes to help Ah L.] 

Exit I,, u. K. Mrs. O'/,. running, follotcedbg the Judge. 

Lt. M. [draws pistol.] By tiie Heaven ahove Ah Lang! if you 
clout hring that rope I'll kill yon ! [to Alice over the cliff.] Keep 
ujiyoiir courage my own, I'm comiuij! [stamping.] What iu 
Gods name is he doing? [Ah L. and .Vrs. I), with (he rope exit 
L. V. K. and then vp the trail to JJ. J/.]Dont struggle my darling 
— keep cool — dont move your haius — look up — liiiuk of your 
mother — they are coming niy own ])reciousoue — have faith — 
I will save you [inrocation kneeling.] Give me strength, grant 
lue this precious boon ! 

Mrs. D. and Ah L. on cliff with rope 
[rises.] At last! [fastening rope (dxiut his bodg and interposing 
between edge of cliff and Mrs. D. Ah L. holding her.] Keep back 
madam, you must not speak to her — Ab Lang; drag her back 

Mrs. I). I will give her courage. Oh ! let me sjjcak to her. 

Lt. M. [passing rope around tree.] Not a word ! not a wills 
per — now listen to n>e hold the line — watch the rope and 
give me the slack slowl)-. 

Ah L. takes hold of rope — Mrs. D. wraps it around her arm. 

Mrs. L). Heaven give you courage and strength! 

Lt. M. descends over the cliff and disappears. 



41 



All Lniio- riiii for help! we caiinot druw tliem back, but I 
€aii liobi this rope as loii<ias the tree stands. [Ah L. sliakcs hin 
head.] Go I tell yon ! Dont (ear me — I have the strength of 
amotlier to save her ehild. [");v;/;.s- rope ronnd her hodi/ Ah Lang 
keeping up the strain.]^c{i] it shall cut ine in two before I fail'l 
It is our onlj' hope. 

Exit Ah Lrnuj diurji thr imil riDnnini. Lauj/hen the following 
business to girr Jhil/i.u tioic: Tlw r(i,ii' t<lnu-i/i droics JJrs. D. to 
the tree, and fiiclhi .•^Iw thravs hiat:// end of rope round tree 
and seizes that end; gasping with the pressure faints, llie 
Judge enters l. vp the trail to cliff looks at Mrs. D. and over the 
cliff. Tries to unfastenthe rope from around Mrs. D^s. body; cant; 
tries to loosen her hands; cant; jinallg draws knife and saics at 
rope between the tree and Lt. M; business showing knife loonH 
cut; sharpens it on his boot or rock, and saws at rope again cuts 
one strand and sharpens knife: at this point he is seized by Dalton. 
Dalton enters i?. 2(1 e. as Mrs. D. is being draicn to the tree; he 
is in torn overhauls; rarrics a pirk and shovel, I'-idks shurl,/ and 
wearily to c. 

D. [solihhjuii.] Another day of toil .. another dnj' of baf- 
fled hoi)e! Another nisrht of dieaniina: and waki no- and al- 
ways tlie siirhr of those wlioiu I haveruined V. . . .How lon<j, 
oh! ho\y long will this pooi- wasted fortn last? [raising his 
arm and looking at it.]. . . .Each dav these tools crrow heavier 
with tny wanina; power, and my heartsinks with the thought 
th-it I may die, and my labor still fi'uitless. my task unfin- 
ished, my unredeemed honor sinking' into tlie grave a Avither 
blighted flower !.. . 0!i ! death how' joyfully woidd I wel- 
come you but for this... but for this. That bourn beyond 
[pointing up.] would be a happy rest, and not all the philoso- 
phers of ages can i)rove to me that the uncertainties there 
can o'er balance mv mi.^eiy here ! The waking or eternal 
sleep, which ever it is.nnisf, be a gain over my endless grasp- 
ing of phantom hope in this life! Oh! time! time! where do 
you lead me? Oh ! chiistian faitli where is thy rock of ages? 
Seek and ye shall find? Have I not sought in bloody sweat 
have i not racked my soul with pi-ayer? And no an- 
swer! [icearily shouldering his tools]. .. .vny answer!. .Not 
for nie . . .not for me ! [sees the Judge.] Who is that? Am I 

dreaming? [drops tools.] My wife. . . .her father? Is this 

the last stroke of fortune's whip... is this the insanity I 
have so long feared . are these the ghostlj- forms of t!ie night 
come to face me in the ligiit of day. . . .under the pure sky of 

heaven? Then indeed I am mad I atn mad! [ori-r- 

ciimeface in his hands.] [uncovering face; fearful; suppress- 
ed tone.]. ... Is she there ? [shnrhj turns and see's her.] It is true ? 
too 'true!. Aye, there you lie, bound to the stake of your 
sill, while the ilamned fire of your conscience lai)S your fair 

form with its serpent tongues Even you, will give me no 

peace; slcepiiio; or waking 1 am to be tied to the gahstly 
rel'ollection of our once happy iiast. . . .that past, when I call- 
ed you sweet heart, wile; when I held you in my arms a 

blushing bride! '1 hcclift'. . . .theyawliing gulf. . . .aleap 

and I am free By Heavens, this is the meaning of her 

presence here ! I accept the omen. I'll clasj) her ghostly 



form in these ;irnis .mid togetlier. . . .together, we will seek 
the great unknown. [E.ril l. u.k. reappears on the trail as- 
cendinij,] 1 coijie. . 1 t'ome I [mounts cliff and seizes the Judge 
by collar and pulls him back from rope. 

D. You are no ghost, but a lininan form with [forces him 
If) his knees.] nimilcrin your lioart. But now tlieda}' of ret- 
ribution has come, and you sliall die I [Jud(je s^lpplicutes.] 
Mercy? Aslc it of rlie wolves wlio wait for your rotten car- 
cass there! [points over cliff.] Prayers? 8ay tlieni on your 
road to hell ! 

A strHijf/l'' and D. forces Jiuhje over the cliff; Judge catches, 
hnnging trith his hands at the edge; D. makes him let go one hand 
by stampi)ig it icith his heel and then the other; but Judge seizes 
the rope beyond Z)'s. reach. D. catcher hold of rope and hauls it 
in, by great effort, until he can grasp the tree. J. slips down rope 
and disappears. D. stands so that he hides as much as possible, 
Mrs. D. 

D. [in an exhausted voice.] lh'\\) I Help ! Ah Lang; O'Leary, 
help! 

Enter l. u. e. O'i. dragging gun. 

O'L. [fanning himself icith hat.] Well, tliedivil fly 'way wid 
MeCormick! [sits on table, legs dangling.] He was as hard to 
catch as an Italian llee. An wiiin I did come upon him, l)e- 
gorra I could'nt liold him, "Mac," scz I, "yer a ravislier an 
ye must die." "Are ye jokin," sez he; "Divil a word" sez I; 
"Tiiin by tlie token !" sez he "there'll be two of us goin tliat 
same road." Wid that lie whips out a pistol an pints it rigiit 
at me; yis riglit at me eve! 

D. [faint voice.] Uclill Help! 

O'L. Bygorra! I think 1 cud have crawled into the barrel 
of it! now I call that carelessness in iiandlin dangerous wep- 
ens. 

D. Help! O'Leary; Help! 

O'L. [jumps off table.] How \y mother I what was that! Is 
the boggles about? 

D. Help! 

O'L [business, finally sees I).] Why, there's Dalton ! 
[turns front, latighs.] By the pipers! he's gone crazy ... .he's 
flsbin fur luck in the canon, [laughs.] Well, I thought it! I 
knew h'd get the bee in his caul)een. 

D. [hoarsely.] Help! 

O'L. Help ye? [laughs.] He thinks he has a whale, an lie 
cant pul him out. . . I'll help ye. It's always best to humor 
thim. See here, ould man, before 1 come tliare, ye must 
promise me halvers, 1 want my share uv the blubber. . . is it 
a whack? 

D. nods, closes eyes, head falling on bosom, 
[laughs.] Och, murder? 8hure, he's gaiie to sleep! [leis- 
zirely.] Well, I'll go to him. .. .[yawns.] Ou-ou-ch ! I'm 
tired out wid this divil's own pursliiite uv family labor under 

dirticulties I'm coniin, me ainshint niarenur . . .keep the 

flies oft" yer no.<e. [singing "The night before Larry was 
stretclied, &c., &c. goes leisuraly l.u.e.; exit round to trail and 
up to cliff. Excited business of seeing Mrs. D. and looking over 
the cliff and hauling on the rope.] 



43 

Holy Marj- ! this is fisliin wid :i vingince! Pull Dal- 
ton if j'e have an ounce in ye! [great er,.;rluni.] It's no 
use, if I'd break nieiieart! ('au ye hold t'liin iiloue while I 
rise some one to hel]i us? Ye cant I know. Murdei- but his 
hiiuds are slipiu now! Help! McCorniick! ye divil. Ah 
Lang, Mrs, U'Lary, every man of ye helj)! liiuroo they're 
coniin, glory be to Gud fur uie heart is broke! 

Enter up the trail McC. Ah L. and Mrs. 0''L. They pull on 
rope, Mrti. D. is released, falls prone and then Dalton in a heap 
beside her. 

Mrs. O'L. Let us exeit ourselves like men. 

McU. Wait till I spit on iue hands, \business.] 

Ah L. [pulling.] Youallee time policeeniau loafo. 

O'L. Shut up an pul, ye divil ! 

Mks. O'L. Strain every neive, press with vigor on! 
Altogether and away we go, 
Ye — hob! ye — hob! j'e — holi. 

The Judge climbs up rope to cliff, assisted; exit l. down trail, 
ruiniiiKj. 

Lt. M. appears with Alice as theg haul in the rope; A. is insen- 
sible; O'L. and Ah, L. lift them to cliff, Mrs. O'L. supports Lt. 
M. dotan trail, followed hy McC. O'L. carries A., followed 
by Ah L. Li that order exeunt l. 

Enter l. u. e. Mrs. O'L. supporting Lt.M.; his arm around her 
neck; they walk sloioly; 31cO. follows closely. They go to cabin L. 

Mrs. O'L. [aside.] He is a sweet young man, and exceed- 
ingly well favored. Lieutenant wiiat sufferings must have 
been yours? [sighs and makes eyes at him.] 

Lt.M. [faintly.] Water! water! 

McC. How she liugs liini ! 

Mks. O'L. You will Jind water in the cabin, [to 31c C] 
Call Ah Lang. 

3IcC. beckoning Ah Lang; he enters after O'L., l. u. e. and to 
them at cabin L. 

McC. [aside.] Bedad ! She's coortin the young sprig uv but 
tons; bad cess to him! 

Mrs. O'L. [sighs; aside.] Of course I cannot enter the cabin 
with this young Apollo, [sigh.^.] 

Enter l. u. e. O'L. carrying Alice. 

O'L. Does'nt she look temptin ! She's as lovely as a rose- 
bud on a (j-ostj- niglit. . . A'i\ not mind an accident like this 
every day uv the wck. . . .1 wonder if she'd know it should 
I kiss her? Jest one. .. .has the old cat got her off' eye on 



me 



Mrs. O'L. [to ^/j Za?i^/.] Take the young man into your 
abode and minister to him. [sighs as she releases him.] 
O'L. kisses Alice. 

Ah L. Ess an he sal catchee what he wantehee ! You bet- 
tee— k-lah ! 

Ah L. supports Lt. M. into cabin L.; 3IcC. tries to take Alice 
from O'L.; he resists. 

Mrs. O'L. [sighs; aside.] Sweet young man ! How hard to 
release him ! 

O'L. [going to cabin -R.] What a Mormon ye are McCor- 
mick ! Ye want every soft thing I have ! 



McC. Isaw ye ki.*s her ! 

^[rs. O'L. Mr, O'LcMry, I will relieve yon. 

O'L. Ye will? Sec here, ye swallyM that nutcracker Mc- 
Corinlok, who has ihe good Inks of a pine shanty iu a hot 
sun; ye wor prao-tise-ing on the liientenant, an now ye 
want my share of the pie. Ye cant drive tliat kind of a 
car! Ikist^f's A.] Pnt tliat in yer pistol pocket and lire it fur 
a hull's eye I Icelt iiuth Alice into cabin n.] 

Mus. O'L. 'I'he beast ! 

]\IcC. Aye; he is two uv them. Will ye tlivorce yerself 
now? 

Mrs. O'L. I will hevond a poradventiiie I 

Mc(J. That's the ticket I The election isgiiin as I towld ye, 
an ye'll be justice uv the pace. I'llgodown tliegulch now an 
wait to arrist O'Lary. We'll bring iiiin before ye this very 
day fur feloneously kissing anuther man's wife. . . tiiat is to 
be. . an every tool knows that's iivsoii . . .[cnt.'imj.] Wont 
ye ante-see-paie; darlin? 

]\[n8. O'L. Anti see pate? Are j'ou speaking of some his- 
torical character? 

McC. [aside] The err ru-de-ishun, uv this woman isgrate ! 
She does'nt know history from kissen. I mane our widdin 
is square. 

Mrs. O'L. Our wedding is square? I know tlic rule and 
compass of wedded life is conspicuous iu the hands of a sen- 
sible woman on principle-, but square?. .. .1 don't under- 
stand unless you refer to the meals. 

McC. The square meals? Yis them is all .right on prin- 
ciple; but 1 want to take a sup off yer lips, [takes sta<je.] 
There ye have it now, iu plain frisii! 

Mrs. O'L. Do you want my lips for beef-steaks? 

McC. [a.s/(?('.] Slie doutknow any more about coortin than 
a faymale cat in a dark cellar! See here will you give me a 
kiss? 

Mrs. O'L. I shall not of my own free will, [business.] 

McC. Oh, hoi That nianes I'm to take it. [kisses her.] 
That's beef steak smothered in onions! [<:.cil i..] 

Mrs. O'L. [takes statje R.] lie certainly indulged in oscu- 
latory freedom; awful!, in a forcable manner; awJul ! The 
term stolen sweets, before this epoch in my life, has been an 
unknown quantity ... .awful I .. .Has he really gone? .. 
Awful!. .. .but sacrine in its character ; awful !... ,1 had 
forgotten O'Leary and the hair pulling 1 owe bin . . . awful I 
[exit into cabin n.] 

About ichcn Ah L. leaves the cliff, Dalton slowly revives, raises 
himself , xuLwinds rope from about Mrs. D'., tcith effort, lifts and 
carries her down trail, tottering and steadyimj himself against the 
7-ocks: exit l. The business to occupy time for dialogue on the 
stage to about McCs, exit. Mrs. (yVsexit is cue for I), to enter 
L. u. E. carrying Mrs. JJ; skmly toe; kneeling on left knee sup- 
ports Mrs. D''s. head and shoulders on right knee. 

D. Oh! how this counterfeit of death biings back to me 
the recollection of our once happy days! for it raises, with 
angel lingers, tiie veil of earth's passions from off your face, 
leaving only the innocenti This presence of death in life 



45 

banislies my outer solf, jind biirsrino: like a nionntain spring 
from my heart of lieai-ts, comes love; heaven born. . . .[kisses 
her.] Yes, I love yon still, [kisses her repent.edli/.]. . . .And must 
this sweet vision of the past be ;nnonj»;tlie tilings of yester- 
day?. . . .Must these few moments be all?. . . .Htiall I, when 
you come back to life, c;ill yon wife. . , .take yon to my ai-ms 
and forget the past. . . i-an i command fiom ont my memory 
your sin, can I forget it and say yon arc :ill in all to me?. . . 
Can I forget that . . . .th.it yon . tlnit yon have been an- 
other's? [ina-easedforci'.] Can I forget that you flung to the 
winds your mari'iage vows. . . .that in base lechery yon woed 
two beds? Oh no. no. no !. . . .1 can not. . . .1 can . not ! . . . . 
Wake! wake! tliat your living face may nerve me to the bet- 
ter thought! Wake! that the lie in your face does not kill 
you !. . , .[covers her face irith liis hand; reduced tone, suppressed 
firrre.] I dare nor look .-it her . . . the tuiknown [)artner of her 

gnilt is unpnnislied. [his hand slowlij grasping her neck no 

one has suffered hwi \\H' \ ... .[screams ; throws her from him: 
springs up takes stage left ni^ddoivn.] 

Mrs. D. fulls well forituird. 

D. [rapidhf.] Away! away! with the mur<lerous thought ! 
... .1 -would have killed hei!. . . ninrdiM-ed hei- as she lay in 
my arms helpless as a sleeping babe! That would have been 
a worse crime than iiers! [fills on his knees.] Merciful Fath- 
er in Heaven, forgive me!' 

Mrs. D, [does -not raise her head; droi'^sih/, and ancon- 
cious of D^s., presence.] Husband I shall not get up to-day. 

D. rises; stands turned from Jlrs. D. 
I have such a pain iri niy breast. . . .[smiles.]. . . .Howard ; I 
dreamed, now donotlangh. that, at the ball last nigiit 1 was 
laced too tightly. . . .Yon said thongli, before we went tosleep 
that 1 looked charming, and in-nise from you, darling, is ev- 
erything to me What would I not tlo for you? Your lov- 
ing smile is all the world to nu'. 

D. [«s('de.] Can hell's flames be worse torture than this? 
And yet I cannot leave her. 

Mrs. D. Dear hn.-^band 1 am so sorry I cannot get up; I 

know you will miss me at breakfast Tell Alice, .[raises 

on her hands; bewildered.] Howard has Alice gone to school":' 
. .Alice?. .[scrertHis; on her knees.] Tiie canon . the rope, .the 
rope! [on her feet; descending inflection. Oh God! where is 
she! 

D. [still turned from her.] Jladame 3-onr daughter was 
gaved. 

Mrs. D. Saved ! Thank God ! Oh ! tell me where is she? 

D. I do not know. 

Mrs. D. How then do you know that she was saved? 

D. I saw her alter the lerrible onleal through which she 
had past. 

Mrs. D. [doubting.] You saw her? and yon do not knov,- 
where she is? Who are you sir ? that you should praciice, 
such a deceit upon me ! 

D. Who or what 1 am does not matter I am not de- 
ceiving you. .Your conclusion is too hasty. .The explanation 
is a simple one:, .i helped rescue your daughter, and wlie.-i 



46 

the crisis was passed. . . .1 fainted. Onmj' recovery she was 
no lonjjer here. 

Mrs. D. Foro^ive me! [hohla ont Iter hand; D. does not turn.] 
. . . . r bi^ij,' you to forgive ra ■ ! . . .Yon are augrv with me, and 
jn.>tly, tliat I, her mother, slioultl doubt your word. . . .Indeed 
I am sorrj'. 

D. It is of no consequence. 

Mrs. D. Xo consequence? You save the life which is 
most previous to me, ami when in reward foi' tiiis service I 
speak harshly to you, you treat tlie matter as a trivial cir- 
cumstance of not sutlicieiit importance to even say: "I for- 
give you". Who ever you are you could never have been 
called father, nor known how a li.)me could be ruined 

D. [inter ruptinff her.] Pardon me;. ... I have been called 
father. . . .1 have known how my home could be mined ! 

Mrs. D. [hesitatinf/l;/.] Who. .are. you •* 

1). I was once the possessoi-, as I beleived, of a happy 
home, a fond wife. . .but now I am wrei-ked in home, wife, 
and friends. . . .1 am .... 

Mrs. D. Howard Dalton ? 

D. [turns to her.] Yes; once the proud Howard Dalton I 
}'our devotetl, loving; husband. 

Mrs. D. And ynii saved Alice? 

1). Aye; and you too! 

Mrs. 1). Me? [asid.'..] This will make my plan still more 
ditticult to accomplish. 

D. I found you on that cliff jiaspinjj for breath. a few 
moments and you would have gone before liis .judgment seat 
to prove your innocence. 

Mrs. I), [dir/nit!/.] Mr. Dalton ! twice I Iiave plead with 
yon, twice you have refused me a hearing. .. .Twice I have 
been ready with proof of my loyalty to you as your wife!, 
twice you have treated my proof with contempt !,.. This 
same proof Lieutenant Mclntj-re and Alice have accepted as 
unque.siiouiible evidence of my innocence. My case would 
staml in any court in Christendom. But you in blinded 
preju lice refuse me a hearing. And you warn me of God's 
judgment seat? Tell n)e , what will you answer for your 
blind, merciless hate, when yon nieet your God? 

D. I shall at least have been true to my vows. 

Mrs. D. Enough sir? I did not come here to bandy 
wortis with you, nor to |dcad. 

D. Nevertheless you are here and for a purpose I sup- 
pose. 

Mrs. D. Yes; I have a purpose. .It is to see you. 

D. I thought so. 

Mrs. D. 1 came to propose that you return to San Fran- 
cis(!0 with me as my husband. 

D. I?. I live with you? 

Mrs. D. Yes. 

D. What? [scornful; laughs.] You have come on a fool's 
errand 

Mrs. D. You can reserve your mirth for some fitter oc- 
casion. You will go with me! 

D. Live with you as your hvisband? 



47 



Mrs. D. Oil, no mvI do not lay that fl.itteriu,2,' unction to 
your 8011I ! You will i>o with me as my liushanll in the eyes 
ot tlie world only, to vindieate my re'iintation, and lor the 
sake of our ehil ! ; i)ut in reality. . . .1 shall be as dead to you 
... as if you were liviiio; \\ irh a corpse ! 

1). Even that would be i)rcferable. 

Mks. I). In that we are ;itji-eed . . . .You do not ask me how 
I will make yon accept my pi'oposition. 

I). Knov\ ino- that I wili nor accept, it is of nocon^equeiu'e 
to me ...and not bein>i; a woman..! have no i.-uriosiiy to 
en(|inre. 

3l!;s. D. [Ud-c.s stage, down, aside] Have I made a mi.<ta.ke? 
.... would piaver auil supplication have utoved liim more? 
Mr. D.ilton; I am rich. 

I). So 1 liave heard. 

Mrs.I). Very rich. 

1). Did you think to buy me? 

]V1 RS. D. ' Yes. 

D. Sell my self respect? You siiall see the grass grow on 
my gra\ e first ! 

Mrs. D. Hear. me; this fortune was not originalh' mine, 
bur given to me by my father. ... 

i>. Some of his stealings, I presume. 

Mrs. D. [husiiu'ss; aside.] Oh how cruel he is! This last 
stroke shocks even the love I bear him.. . . Tuis battle is now 
no longer one, because ot my love for you Howard [ballon, 
but for my child's nanu'. 1 will coiKpier your stiibborn pride 
and 30U shall go with me; ...Yes; and in time sue me 
for p.irdoii ! 

D. Madame my time is not altogetlier my own; if you 
have nothing further to sa}' to nu^ i will bid you good day. 
[yuing up.\ 

Mrs. I). Remain, if you please; I said that my father 
gave me the wealth [have. Your polite interruption pre- 
venteil my telling you, tiiat this gift came to me witii a pe- 
culiar coinlitron. 

L>. 1 auj nor aware that I am in the slightest degree con- 
cerned. 

31 RS. D. But you are, of all the parties, the one most con- 
cerned. 

D. Heretofore you have failed to be interesting; 1 confess 
however, tliat now you are, at least, amusing. 

Mrs.I). Sir! You forget that I am a woman. 

1). [looks her all oyer.] No. . . .nor what kind of a one you 
are. 

Mrs. D. [business.] Your insult proves jj'ou a coward. . . . 
Even if your fancied wrong were true, your manhood, ii' 
you liad any, would prevent you crying out every iusraiit, 
like a whipped (diild. . . .Go sir!. . . .1 have done. . . .Even for 
the sake of Alice, 1 will, no longer b(;ar your clownish 



D. I take my departure by your gracious leave, [goes up.] 

Mrs. D. But remember this Mr. Dalton ; that for tiie sak.-of 

venting a few ciaiel words on a w'oraan you have tlirowii 

away tlie means of redeeming your honor . . .In the eyes of 



48 



rhousands; you stand coDdeinned as a thief. . . .The world 
says you are worse than a eonfidence man. . . tlian a burgler 
... .a pk-k-i)Ocket. .. .worse than a sneak thief. . You ;iie 
the fugitive president of a broken savings bank I 

D. [chdJcinfj cvV/i raye.] How dare you say this to nie? 

Mhs. D. [ij real force; arm raised and pnintiiKj jimjcr.] Dare! 
Your tongue lasliing has at last roused liiy womanhood 
and I (hire saj- anything to you !. You who have left desola- 
tion behind you. You whose ears ouglit to be tilled wirh 
tlie wail of tlie starving widow, the groan of the houseless 
fatlier. tlie tears of tin- dying orphan. 

D. Woman! woman! you torture me ! 

Mks. D. Oh : It is my turn now ! 

D. Does tiic world say 1 intentionallv roblied these i)eo- 
pk'V 

Mrs. D. Yes; and tlie worhl calls you cow ard; tor you 
stoh; away iiki' a wolf to fatten on your iduiidcr. 

D. ril face them ! I'll go back and' cast tiie lie in their 
teetli! 

]Mks. D. Do you think they will believe you? 

D. They will believe these i-ags..this wasted form my 
sunken cheeks, .my tears sliall plea<l for me! 

Mks. D. Others have tried all these and failed. But there 
is a way to silence them. 

D. Ill mercy tell me how? 

Mrs. D. I'av these people the monev vou owe them. 

1). Would to God I could. 

Mrs. D. You can. 

D. How? 

Mrs. D. Go back to San Francisco, as my husband. 

D. What?.... live with you? 

Mrs. D. Take care sir! Have a care on your tongue; tiiis 
is tiie last time I make you this offer. 

D. Go on ; what are the conditions? 

Mrs. D. Sini|)ly, that for a certain period you live with 
me as my husband, never betraying by a look, 'sii>:n, or word 
to Alice, or the world, that you are other than my lo\ ing 
husband; but otherwise, when Ave aie alone you cannot 
speak to me, nor approach me in any way; it will not be your 
privilege to even touch the hem of my di-ess. At the end of 
the peiiod agreed on, you are free to go your a\ ay. but you 

must leave Alice with me On these conditions I will 

follow out the intentions of my father, and pay e\ ery cent you 
owe. 

D. I accent them, .with one condition on my part. 

Mrs. D. You may state it. 

D. I accejjt your piopo-itioii provided that you will do all 
in your power to assi.<t me in one thing. 

Mrs. D. [startled; aside.] What can it be. 

D. It is not much to ask. 

Mrs. D. I proini.sv- before iieai-ing, what it is. 

D. Then our bai-gain is conchuled, matiani'!. 

Mrs. D. You had better tell me what I am to do, so that 
1 shall not fail in my promise. 

D. Madame; I am to live with you as j-^our husband be- 



49 



foretlie world, for a certain pcMiod of fiino, and tlion I may 
p:o, It'avino; Alk-e with yon; in retnrn you promise to re- 
deem mv eredir, and to aid me to. . 

Mi.s. D. What? 

I). 'I'o die! 

IVIrs. D. What ! Help yon to eonimit snieide? 

D. Yes; and to liide tlie fact from Alice and tlie world 

tliat I died a coward ! 

]\Ii;s. D. [nrcrromc] Oh no. no! T cannot do rliat ! 

D. [tdl-ing her hand and hohluu/ /*/*• oiher Juivd (fs hi the act 
of taJn'nr/ an oath.] It must he so ! I solemnly swear to 
stand to niv i)art of the comi)act hetween ns. by (he Heav- 
en ahove and hell below, by my sonTs honor, Iiy my father's 
grave, bv mv mother's love I . .". .[to her.] Swear! 

]\rRs. D. I cannot ! 

1). Yon must and shall sweaiv! I command you by the 
right I once liad as your husband ! 

Enter from rabiu u.. (TLeanj. 

Jlns. D. \hcsiti(thig. urercome; /u//(/.s itj, right hand.] I. 
swear, ir. 

O'l;. Misses I>alton, Alicebas swally'd a nojrjrin of punch 
and feels better of the operation; and she wants to see her 
motlier ! 

^frs, D., at rahin k; O'i., C; D., at J., v. E. 

D. Reinenibcr ! [hohls vp right h<^vd as ifsivearing, she same 
then exeunt l. i;. k. and eahin R., respectively . 

O'Z., astonishment, imitating flrst one then the other. 

O'L. Eemember? What the divil should tliey remember, 
when tliey both want to forgit! A^'ell that heats the Jews? 
[harlesijveii'g.] Eemember! What wud they be showin tlieir 
hands fiii'? It's bin a close sranic on both sides an the wo- 
man's too smni't an the man's too cute. [goiv. to rficl\ sits and 
lights pipe.] Well, well ; it bates me entirely ; I oive it up as 
Anffell said whin Pullman got hold of him. I (rive it iiji sez 
he;'and remorse tuk bohlothim fur . l)ein caught !... Wliat 
a fine turn ve have, O'Larv, fur ihis— tratin a thing of that 
kind. 

Any local, or other gag may lie introduced here and the foUoK- 
ing lines cut down. 

Bother on me good Inks! They're always gifting me in- 
to some kind of a row. I carried Miss Alice, the colleen, in- 
to the shal)een there and laid her down so carefully and I 
worked the life out of me ])utin some life into her. J tried wa- 
ter. I fanned her I tickled h<'r wid a fether out of the 
broom, an the best I got was a sneeze, an I talkiu to her all 
the time the purtiest I knew how. I saw her ear swellen 
. .1 nnine her bi-ist heavin an her eyelids raisin like curtains 
leltiu in the ilay. I talked an inbbed lier hands, an kissed 
her, may be I dunno. an at last she Inked straght at me. her 
swate lips pnckeie<l up, an she said : "01: n)y love." "Yis" 
sez I. "I am so thankful to ye ;" sez she. "Are ye dar- 
liiit;"sezl. "Yis my dear ;" says she. An I blushed at 
the roots of me toe iiails : I thot what a shame it was to be 
tryin my captivatin ways on such a swate innocent. I said 
to iiie self, '"Bad cess to you Arthur O'Lary but ye're a div- 



50 

il a'TioT^ the, u;ir]sl" Slie opR;i;i 1 lier eyes ;i<r;iiii and puck- 
ered LiiL^ lips uf lur luoiuli, aa M)ji»t over to liear hci- call 
mi'. tianiH, ail I ki>se 1 lur. Sure! tliere was no harm, only [ 
tliot I oii^lic'nt to be 1 i.jin her on. But I ciild'nt help it; it 
was always the ways of me, ever since 1 wore pants! "'Wiiat 
is it iiiavoiirnin?" sez I. Says she, "Lifteiiaiit how bruvii ye 
are to sac>i im life!''^ Tare an aj^e-i! it was the other feller 
she was taiiin m ; fur. "Yis Miss," says I. . . .an will that I 
felt the p )vver of a douhle bickaeiion louomotive grippin 
me ba/k hair. . . . Ii,'s na leless to say .Mrs. O'Liry had me 
thare! All she eii 1 g,!t fro;n her teeth was "awlul . .awtnl 
. .I'll faeiie ye abont kivsin. awfnl!" Wi I tiiat she goes Inr 
the roUin pin .... It's iier favorite ... I sai I ; "'.^le l>ird charm- 
er donf. start the in-ea.l niakin bef:)r<; tluiyoanij lady is intire- 
ly recovered .entirely do ye. mind," and 1 lixed me agle eye 
on her. 6ez she; '"I'll noimai<ethe bre.i I no.v, but luere'il 
be U)ts of batter cakes m ide after w.iile!" .\n b^_u;orra she'll 
keep her word I'll go bail ! M.j hea 1 aches to tiiink of it I 

Shouts and pistol shots hjunl outside. 
What's that? [me*-.] The boys are up! I wonder whetlier 
it's Ah Lang or tiie iiagnr they're after? 

Same aulsi (a. 
It's election day an they're pumu.idin the colored man to 
vote the dime-cralic licket! 

McC. [iiut-sidii.] Hurrah fur O'Lary! 

O'L. Tliat's me! 

McC. [outsidt.] iliirr.ih fur the dial ;cratic justice of the 
peace ! 

Cliaers; titjar; shots. 

O'L. [.s<r«<A'.] I'm elected justice of the peace ! Luk out 
fur law an inder now! (\)me on me noble consiitueiicy 
till I recave ye iu style an ye'll hear the greatest etl'ort of me 
life ! 

Enter L. u. K., crowd of miners headed by JlcCormick; neijro 
in the rear us they come to c. 

O'L. fi.. c. Ijiiwiwj and ijesticulatimj in a lofty tea//.] Me noble 
countrymen — banin the nagiir — this is the hai)|iic.-t day 
of me life. It is not often one has the pleasure of appearing 
before such an intelligent, v.irtnous, and law abiding lot of 
citizens of this great Republic of the United States of the 
continent of .Vmeii'-a, lying between the Pacific and the At- 
lantic Ocean, witii Greenlands icy niMUutains on the Noiih, 
and the Gulf of Mexico on theSo'uth, and the city of Chicago 
in the center— a haiipy laud of peace iiiid plenty of pnitatces 
ami buttermilk Mowing over every inch oi it, a land rent 
with civil fends and dren ■hcd, il may be in fraternal. blood. 
A land that has the eagle, that bird of passage, tioalin around 
in tlie air, screainin with the death rattle in its throat with 
all the jiower and vigor of its pierciu eye. . . . 



[Shut up! 
Carry him out! 
Louder! 



All shoutLiuj; WL., advances to shake hands icith McC; McC, 
jerks O^L., round, he is passed alonij hustled down the line in be- 
wilderment; when he reaches the nejjro, (XL., gets ne(jro''s head in 



chancery andpuncliea him/or awhile. 

Enter from cabin K., .¥/-.s'. ff L. 
McC. Mrs. O'Lcary, it's the. gi-o;it plc.ism-e I have to-day 
ti> aiiiK)iiiiL-c; to yoii tli it y.t»ii are olci-tei! Jii-siicn of ilie Peace 
of llu'se jrrcat, iiohlc, iiitclliiiciit, hard working, lioriiy han- 
ded <>;raiiger.s of the pick an I sliovei. 

Voices^ Sl^""''!' ; 
j bpeecii I 

M!;s O'L. [rerii loud voice] I am so taken by snrprise my 
voice fails ine. This is so entirely unexpected words fail me 
1 ahi entirely un|)ri'piMed to. .10. ah to. . . .make a speech. 
[j i(tii hand iu jiorkrt mid produces roluuiinons MSS.] 

O'L. Shall I lea.l your uiiexpecteil ettort for you V 
■ j\ii;s. O'l-. Xi), sir! I will make an unexpected speech to 
yon ihoiiiih. 

()'[.. Oil! ho! Ye will .. .Well there's mighty little left 
for ye to say. 

Mks. O'L. ]Mr. jMcCormick yon are liereby appointed 
Deinuy Sheiiff, Conntv Treasnri-r, and Prosecuting Attor- 
ney for this dist.ict. Yon will arrest this man [pointinij to 
O'L.] for felony, and liring him before me with a irue 
bill of costs ami a verdict ot guilty. proi)erly made out aei-or- 
ding to law and order. Given nniler my hand and seal this 
6lh day of October, lS7(i. 

O'L. Arristnu-y What fur? 

Mcr;. Fur bigimy. arson and felonv; an jiiigluy glad ye 
oui:ht to be that it aint murder, come along ! [collars him. 

O'L. Amelia are ye di-tinkor crazy i' 

]\Iks. O'L. Away with him to the deepest dungeon I 

McC. [dragginy (yL. along.] Come on widye! 

O'L. [aside.] iHxi''^ i.-Vii7.y . .[kicks the negro.] This is wliat 
we get fur letlin ye into (he paity ! 

McC. Are\e comiu quiet "::' 

O'L. I'm comin as (luiet as a lamb, fur I'll not movelnmd 
or foot. 

^-1 stragi/le; thei/ carry O'L., and exeunt L. u. 1;. all hut Mrs. 
O'L. 

iMitsO'L. [c] Awful! The step is taken. The die is east 
. .aw fnl ! . . Love tiiou thieviiig goil : ah . thou thieving god 
. XUiitv'ii.g .iih [produces MSS. read.-:.] Love! lluni thieving 



Enter from cabin u. and L. re.-<pectireli/. Alice suppoi ted bij Mrs, 
D.. and Lt. J/., leaning on Ah L. lln-g more sloioly toioard C. 
Alice (md Lt. J/., seeing each other, r-'gain their strength and rush 
into each others arms. 

Love is more than tliic^ving it is as healing as Cherry Pec- 
toral. . . .on |)i-inciide ! 

Lt. M. Alice; to think that 1 almost killed vou ! 

A. Why Koy; you saved my lite! 

Lt, M. Yes, but my ill fated shot from the head of the 
trail caused you to fal'l. 

A. That startled me, but I knew it W4is you, and I think 
tliat made me lose my head where I had already lost my lieart 

liT. M. And ctme near losing us both. 
Business between t/iem. 



An L. Tie iimkoo Imv nliilc lee snniH".^ <Iiiiip— k-lnh ! 

Mks. D. Mr. McI ityre liuw ciii I tli.iiik you for tlie great 
service von liave r<'ii<l<M-eil us .-ill? 

Lt. M''s compaiui of CnrdlDi on foot hi rdUijh caMpairjn drpss 
comes down the trail. The Sfriit. halts them when all on: hrhu/s 
them to a ^'■plaw. r.'stV <ii'-in(f comm'inds in low tone; he then c/oes 
ilovin trail and enteric l. u. k., imme:liat"J>i and stands L. C.,alit- 
ile hack at attention until spoken to la/ Lt. M. 

I/r. M. Doiit speak of it JMis. Daltoii. However if you 
tliiiik yon owe me anytiiino:, you niay give nie this reward. 
[lakinij Alice''s hand.] 

Mrs. D. If Alieu is willing. 

Business for A., and IJ. M. 
I fieely give my con?ont. 

Same hiisin'-ss. 

Ah T>. Lootcunee Lackce-lile lis saligce he wautcliee see 
yon. 

Lt. :^r. What is it Sergeant? 

Skjio't. [salutes hrimjinfj left hand to earhine at right slaml- 
der.] The ernnp sir. 

I/r. M. Anywhere within a pliort distance down the 
trail. 

Mi{S. D. Little do we know what the American soldier 
suffers. 

Lt. ^r. Tliat's tnie,*riud we sometimes think, wlien a first 
class congressman howls economy at the expense of the army 
that you caie less. But it is not comme il favt for a soldier 
to talk of his woes. I,adies, w ill you excuse me; I want to 
say a ffw wmds to Mrs. Dalton. 

A. Yon ai-e .almost jtast having secrets from me, Roy. 
Make the mo.-t of your time. 

Jlrs. ffL. and A. g > apart. 
^ladam, havo von spoken to Mi-. Dalton. 

^Ihs. I). Yes; and a reconciliation has heen cflected. He 
is to return with me to San I'rancisco. 

Lt. M. IimUmmI, [ am glad tohe.ir it and I will moetyou there. 
I have iroor] news for von. A soldier of my company was f.i- 
tally wounded in the hattle of- Slim Butte. In his last mo- 
ments he sent for me and placed in my liands, the original 
letter you wrote your father, a cc^i^y of whicli, you remember 
he maile and schi to Diilton as the original. It seems that 
tile Judge, amongst his otlier . inisliaps, was a. . . . 

Mrs. 1). Speak out, IMr.McIntyro; I am prepared by a full 
confession fiom my father to hear anyliiing. 

Lt. M. Pardon me, then! It seems the Judge was a de- 
serter fronj the army, and in some old traps of his left behind 
liim was this letter. 

Mhs. D. And yon have it? 

Lt. M. Yes. It was to give me that letter the soldier had 
asked to have me sent lor. 

Mrs. D. Give it tjo me. 

Lt, M. One moment. Knowing its importance, I had the 
soldier's anti-mortum statement taken of its history and iden- 
tity, and sworn to before the Adjutant, in the presence of 



53 



witnppses. Its genuiiiess is unquestionable" [gives her the 
leW'.r.] 

Mrs. D. [npenincj with great emotion and reading.] This is 
my letter? Tlii.-^ !■< tlie last link in the cliaiii ! Now, Howard 
Daltoii, von will have to ask mv fou,-ive!)e>s in bitter tears! 
[<.>iide] Shall I show it to hiai iiow V No! all my pride says 
a thousand time^, no! He shall sp.'.-dv first, or die as he pro- 
poses. Die? Let him kill himselt ? I will nol think of that 
now, let time dpri<le iiis fare! 1 hold tlie winiiinj:,- card. 

Lt. M. f)o vou see how tiie eopv has been altered from 
til.' ori-'in:il? 

A. \J!>iding Mrs. D.and Lt. M.] You have had time enough 
to settle the :^e(■rets of the Defies. 

Enter l. v. k., DaJttJu. 
lalher! 

rh<:,i eiuhn.'ce. 
[rapidJi;.] Oh bow thankful and happ_v we will be. You, 
j\Iotl:er. my Lieutenant, and poor little me, ail saved ; and 
you and motlier i-i-couiiled. jMother has told me and I'm to 
be inaiiieil and we are all to ^o baek to San Fiiudseo and be 
so happy. [Laughing in her ficihcr''s aruif, ; laugh grows ht/ster- 
■icol ani\ finally into sobs.] 

Mks. O'L. [aside.] Girls aresueh siliy weak things. They 
iiave no principles. 

Enter McC, l. u. E. D., Alid:, Lt. M., and Jlrs. D., go r. 

:McC. [to Mrs. O'L.] The prescnar is ready yer honor,. 
wheiHjver it i)leases yer honor, to hold court, yer honor. 

Mhs. O'L. Drag on tho- eu!|)rit. when lime has measured 
(he space o! five minutes ; tliat I may pi-epare the liallsof jus- 
tice and get the scales properly adjusted. 

McC. All i-ight yer honor. [ej:il l. u. k.] 

]yr. M. Mrs.'O'Leary may 1 ask what is the meaning of 
all this? 

Mrs. CL., arranges stage for court. 

Ah L. She judge peaco she ily O'Leely fo knockee down 
an diiigce out sale an battle. Shelly O'Leely all him lifee 
now sue tellee him go to hello 1—k-lah ! 

Mk.s. O'L. And you shall be tried next as sure as I stand 
here the exponant ot law and justice; a magisterial person- 
a.:i>d' I 111!) nugiity realm. 

Lt. JI. IJnt what does it mean? 

iL s. 0"L. Sir you are persistant in your enquiries. Know 
that 1 hiive been elected to the otlice of jii.-tice of the peace, 
and my liusband is my first case? 

Lr. M. This must t>e a very hard case for you. 

IMiiS. O'L, Yes; he is a very hard case but! am under the 
.Miong impression that he is guilty and is a divorced man 
1 efore he enters this court;. [Mounts washtuh vmich she has 
j laced on 7'ock.] The eourt is opLii ; bring on the catill'and 
let him look upon his death ! 

McU., marches 0''L., in loaded with chains and looking very 
-woeltegone; crowd of ininers and s<d.diers follow. 

j\lC"J. Here's tlie priseniir, yer honor. 

iliiS. O'L. Let him be sworn. 

]\lcC. [scratching his head.] Swear him is it? 



54 

Mhs. 0"L. Hear and obey menial! Do you intend to in- 
timidate this lionoiable benL-li of i)rlMeip!e.-^ and legal lore? 
Tell me sir! Do yon ? 

O'L. [d"],'full>i.] He'd better not if he knows what's good 
fur himself. ■ 
McC. Silen"»> in the ennrt ! 

O'L. I am sih-nt! I'm a silent witness of the orders of 
the Coorf of long standin, ain't I ? None better. 

Mus. O'L. 'I'lie time of this iionorabhi Court is being 
wasted. Mr. County Treasurer do your iluty and swear tlie 
prisoner on tbf verdiet of this beneli. 

McC. [to O'L.] Mould up your ri^iht hand; you swear so 
help ye Goil that ye are guilty of nianslauu,hler l)igamy 
that ye are divorced by order of this Coort ; tiiat ye are •guil- 
ty of petty iaro.'uy, drunk and ilisorderly, resisiin oHirers 
and meinheir. 

Mrs. O'L. Mr. Officer you are obseuie, what is it — I did 
not catch — ah — tell the Court what is meinheir? (hand behind 
hermr.] II. di? 

McC. Wiiy yer h'lnor that's wliin a felly takes a chew off 
another felly's no-e; liiat's mcinhifr. 

O'L. Am I to iiold lue hand up all day? 

Mrs. O'L. Oh yes. The court tinderstands, you mean 
misprisonment. It is a point well taken and the i)ri-oniM- is 
lieci'ssarily divorced from the ilefendent .-ixd I suppose the 
j)rosecution moves a new trial on the docket in the i.ext term 
of deniniurer. 

McC. That's it yer honor. Shall I goon? It's divorced 
he Is anv how w hither or no. 

Mrs. O'L. I'rocced wiih the oath. 

;Mc(;. I dont see the use of any moie trial, he's divorced 
by this time. 

Mrs. O'L. Go on with the swearing I tell you ! 

O'L. Yrr honor; 1 say yer honor; dont start him to 
swearin, his profanity is notorious. 

Mrs. O'L. These interruptions are unseemly ; the Sheriff 
will ilo his dufv fearless of consequences. 

O'L. 'I'hat'sit, I was say in . 

>lcC. Silence! Yer honor 1... 

Mrs. O'L. Go on w ith. . . . 

O'L. J 

^IcC. Yer honor 

Mrs. O'Jj. There's no motion before the house and I. . . . 

O'L. Just what 1. . . . 

McC. I'll not... 

]\h!S. O'L. It is evident. . . . 

O'L. and McC. interrupt her and both keep on talking: the crowd 
joins in; Mrs. O'L. rises; yells 'silence" at intervals; O'L. throws 
off his irons and runs out at L. u. E., aiid enter up trail to cliff; 
seizes rope and stands at edge of the canon, draws pistol. At same 
time that O'L. runs off, McC seizes Ah L. and the negro who are 
talking and knocks their heads together; D. rescues Ah L. 

3IRS. O'L, 'J'lie prisoner has escai)ed. 

O'D. Yes, and he wont be caught. I'm divorced am I, 
whether or no? To the divil wid yer decray. .. .1 dissolve 



55 

the coult ! 

Shoots into the crowd; D. falls wounded; tableau; Mrs. D., A. 
and Lt. M., grouped about D.; Mrs. 0''L. awkwardly from her 
Jurlges bench, trying to shoot her pistol points handle at McC. vtho 
"■hides behind his hat;'''' 0''L., descending over cliff. 

CURTAIX. 



ilfifii 

016 102 540 9 "> 



